Talking with NBC News about the death of Richard Pryor, Arsenio Hall said, "If you haven't stolen something from Richard Pryor and you're doing stand-up, you're doing it wrong."
I don't do stand-up (except rarely on my website), but I have been known to borrow from Richard Pryor. One of the easiest ways to be witty is to know a lot of punch lines, recognize when one fits your real life situation, and deliver it. Whether stand-up or raconteur, one of the best you could ever learn or borrow from is Richard Pryor.
Probably my favorite Richard Pryor punch line comes during his routine about three dogs seeing a pony for the first time. They can't make heads or tails of it. Finally one says, "I don't know what it is, but I'm going to fuck it."
If you can't find a place to use "I don't know what it is, but I'm going to fuck it" in everyday life, you're just not trying hard enough.
Another Richard Pryor punch line that flits through my head on appropriate occasions comes upon young Richard taking a bath and discovering masturbation. He thinks to himself, "I bet dad doesn't know about this!"
One I actually used today depends totally on the delivery. Richard is relating the story of the time he tried to hold up the mob owned club where he worked. Luckily for him (and us) they took it as a joke. "Hey, look at the fucking kid! You fucking kid you!" In context, it's hilarious.
Life inspires me to recall some punch lines even when there's no way to use them.
One I don't use but do think of when seeing certain complexions is Richard's description of a friend who when he sweat "looked like a Hershey's chocolate bar." There's a vivid word picture for you.
After a trip to Africa, Richard relates picking up a hitchhiker. They have different standards for cleanliness and what smells good over there. While RIchard and his wife are in the front seat gagging and choking over their passenger's funk, the passenger is in the back choking and gagging over the "stink" of their soaped, perfumed, deoderized selves. Whenever I have the misfortune of running upon someone sorely in need of a bath, that story always pops into my head.
And every once in a while, I'll walk up to a public urinal and remember Richard's description of the brother whose member was so large that instead of tapping it to finish, he'd bang it against the sides of the urinal. THWOCK! THWOCK! THWOCK! Now that's a funny image. Why it occurs to me sometimes, I do not know. It would probably be better for me if it didn't, because that's not the appropriate place for smirking and giggling.
I'll remember those and many more for the rest of my life. They've become part of the fabric of my existence. Rest in peace, Richard. Maybe I'll get to talk with you about it someday, because while I thought I heard thunder last night, I'm pretty sure it was just God laughing. I wonder if it was because you saw one of those funky beasts described as loitering around the throne room in Revelation and said, "I don't know what it is, but...."
