The Altarian Star Awards - Nominations

Put your nominations for the Altarian Star Awards here.

The deadline for nominations is 3 Aug, Sunday, 2359 EST.

Nomination Format

Author
Excerpt of the work that you are nominating (in quotes)
Short commentary on its context / Reason for your nomination
1,367 views 33 replies
Reply #1 Top
Author: TheQuack

Commentary: We were having a discussion on linked events in the ANZAC thread and Quack came out with this gem.



Our sociologists have discovered a new species of hyper-bunnies on Botox. This harmless pest species (from the planet Duracell) are a delicacy among the Drengin, but only when killed slowly, and prepared a certain way - any ranged weapons ruin the flavour. The species is not native to the planet, we have no idea how they arrived. They are starting to run amok in our
industrial plants, causing disruptions. What are your orders?

A) They have the same rights as we do. Let them go forth and multiply. (-17% Production)

B) Hire some animal experts from Duracell to round them up and take them back. (-36 bc)

C) No ranged weapons, hmm? I've got some marines who love knife-fighting. Give em hell, boys. And inform the Drengin we'll be getting some new trade goods. (+152 bc)


God help them if they choose C...

Cutscene:
A bunch of troopers, out of armor, with
only knives and sidearms, are strolling through the
thinly wooded countryside. It's a lovely day on Botox.

The marines are spread thin, doing their own thing. Two of them spot a hyper-bunny looking the other way, and immediately freeze. They signal each other, and quietly move around the hyper-bunny. One of them jumps out in front - the hyper-bunny takes a step back in surprise. It turns its head and sees the second marine
diving on top of it, but the hyper-bunny doesn't move. It just watches with cold eyes.

(cut)

The platoon lieutenant is looking at a map, giving patrol orders to his sergeant, when a huge explosion is heard. The boss gets angry, but he doesn't realize the danger.

"Who the fuck brought grenades! I said knives only! All squads, report in NOW!"

Everyone is nervously looking at the LT. No-one notices the hyper-bunny burrow up from the ground.

"Delta-six, sound off!" As the LT uses his binoculars to look where they should be, a shadow moves in front of the lenses. He sees a hyper-bunny going for his throat and screams...

Everyone hears the blast, and looks at the crater where the boss used to be. Then, they see hyper-bunnies screaming out of the ground. With horror, they see that the Duracell batteries have been replaced with sticks of dynamite. The sarge immediately starts giving orders, and the marines draw their sidearms and try and form up. But for every hyper-bunny they put down, two more heads pop up from the ground. The few remaining marines move back to back, but they are drowned in a sea of white fluff.

One last explosion rings out, then all is silent.

(end cutscene)

Text:
(extract from the Galactic Guide Book)
History of the Terran Alliance, 2193-4
p. 395

The GIA eventually learned that the hyper-bunnies were planted by I-League agents. This was the last provocation the Terrans needed, and they formally declared war on the I-League. Terran fleets moved to strike, but many of their best special forces troopers were lost in this incident, and it took a long time for their ground forces to recover.
(-12 Soldering)

That'll teach you to always take evil. :)

End of quote


Note: My quoting might not work as I'm using a laptop now.

Note2: I think the nomination format works better if the commentary precedes the excerpt.
[Message Edited]
Reply #2 Top
Wow, I'm surprised anyone remembered that one. I should do some more script-writing :-p

Seriously, I've been skim-reading some of the threads I missed in the last month and there's a LOT of quality stuff there. I should've read about these awards first, so I could find some more stories to get nominated. Right now, they've all merged into one crazy blur...

I've got one for best quote, but. I read this here when I first started, and I can't remember who said it, but it was something like:

"Great, I use slaves ONCE, and it says I'm evil."
Reply #3 Top
Great, I decide to utilize slaves *once* and I'm evil.
-Arthur Urban

http://www.galciv.com/forum.asp?BID=GF&id=65413#65432
Reply #4 Top
Author: Killa Koala / Drop Bear / Chris

Commentary: This author is an obvious choice, but which one out of his dozens of superb stories deserves the highest recognition? I decided on this long one because I was completely floored while reading it. I am, after all, a sucker for historical references. ;)

The Ship of Doom

The odd man looked around the Captain’s den with a grimace.

Pontius looked up from his PC with a worried frown, his Sun King crown at a jaunty angle.
“Don’t mind us, Pookie”, said Mrs Pilot with a wave of her fierce hand. “Go back to your nerdy mates”. Pontius tried to continue typing his congratulatory message, with one ear cocked. He found that sometimes he could do two things at the same time.

The stranger pursed his lips and said, “For this room, I’m thinking something faux”.
Mrs Pilot looked pleased. The man continued: “And that ugly PC has to go. I’m thinking iMac, I’m thinking silver”.

Mrs Pilot nodded with greater enthusiasm: “My Vogues and Marie Claires are in the knitting room”. She pulled at the man’s arm. The man wiped his finger along the dark mahogany bookcase and looked at the dust. Wiping his fingers fastidiously on his colour coordinated handkerchief he said: “Your magazines will be a perfect place to start. Let’s go conceptualize”.

Mrs Pilot and her new friend left the cave-like den, giggling conspiratorially.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

King Pontius I, the Sun King, swept into the throne room.

The gathered pirates, wearing powdered wigs and bright pantaloons, knelt or bowed to the Sun King. Pontius sat on the Versailles throne with a grunt and waited. Spymaster Gerakken finally stood upright and struck a pose. Unfortunately, the long, red Cardinal’s robes hid his lithe, handsome legs. Pontius looked at Gerakken thoughtfully. “What news, Cardinal Richelieu?” Pontius asked, regally.

Nicholas Pousin snickered. Gerakken cast a reproving glare at KitWarrior. To the resplendent Pontius he said: “Oh great and powerful Sun King, Colbert’s financial program goes well. The Huguenot’s are firmly held. Come Colbert, show His Highness your plans”. Ray the Wanderer stepped up, the carefully drafted, hostile take-over report clenched firmly in his expressive hands.

The Versailles meeting ended soon after when Peggy-Sue made her entrance.

The Waltzing Matilda, earlier

Dropbear moaned dramatically. His burp introduced an aroma of stale beer into the sick bay.

Dr Quinn pulled the thermometer from Dropbear, quickly wiped it and studied the temperature.
“Well, you’re not gonna die ya silly bear”, she said. “It’s only beer poisoning. Cheap, nasty beer at that.”

Dropbear whimpered and looked forlorn. He knew his forlorn look would get him an extra tummy scratch and perhaps a chocolate. And it did.

‘Dr Quinn is a great medicine woman’ thought Dropbear, just before he passed out.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

Darth Bob broke the spell with an innocent giggle. Hearty laughs echoed through the Survey Ship of Doom as the entire crew cracked up. EBZ hollered, "pirates being audited?!?!" The laughter intensified. Gerakken threw in, "interior design? On THIS ship?!?!" The laughter rolled on.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

Spymaster Gerakken finished putting his Cardinal’s robes on, and turned towards the quartermaster. His make-up had already run and he had used a little too much rouge.

“Bloody auditors and decorators AND ESPECIALLY artistic types. I’d give them all to Stealthfrequency to make ‘em walk the gangplank if I had my way”. The quartermaster’s dark countenance paled.

“Now”, Gerakken continued, “your report on our beer consumption. And quartermaster…”. The quartermaster looked up, worriedly. “I assume we’ll fool the auditors again this year?”

The quartermaster nodded quickly in agreement: “We’re not stupid boss. We know all the tricks”.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

The newly installed animal feces alarm clanged abruptly.

Dropbear looked around curiously. But he had, unbeknownst to him, chosen his time well. The pirates had gathered for Yoda’s daily yoga and spiritual healing hour and were in no mood to threaten an intruder. The Ship of Doom was open to any and all.

Dropbear motioned to the odd man who was patiently waiting on the gangplank, and together they moved through the ship’s metallic corridors, to the room which had a sign: ‘Pirate Wives Hairdressing Salon’. Dropbear handed a wad of money to the odd man and said: “You know what to do”. The man nodded eagerly. Curiously, Dropbear asked, somewhat tipsily: “Do you recommend solid mahogany for the marital bedroom?”. The other man chuckled: “Heavens no. The current fashion is for a thin veneer of mahogany”.

The salon was bright and cheerful, with many mirrors. “Mrs Pilot”, said Dropbear with a grin, “meet Bruce”. Bruce the designer stopped chatting with Nigel the hairdresser and took Mrs Pilot’s hand with a flourish. “Darling, you look ravishing” he said, as he bent to kiss her hand. Mrs Pilot, rollers in her hair, tittered. “Now, I have some colour charts for you to look at. I’m thinking lavenders and primrose…” said Bruce.

The other pirate wives looked on, jealously.

The G.R.O.S.S. Co-operative Building Society Bank, earlier

Mrs Pax handed over the money with pride. The bank clerk counted the bundle of greenbacks and stamped the Visa credit card bill. “Well done Mrs Pax. It’s not often anyone pays a credit card bill completely off!” They beamed at each other.

“Between you and me, Jimmie, I just wanted to have more quality time with Mr Pax. This is my little present to him for being such a caring husband who devotes all his spare time to me”.

“You’re a lucky lady, Mrs Pax. And now he can’t blackmail you with the visa bill either. Haha”.

Mrs Pax snorted. “Well you know Jimmy, Mr Pax is not like that. It wouldn’t enter his adorable mind”. Young Jimmie was impressed: he shook his head in amazement. ‘How funny married couples are’, he thought, ‘Gosh I can’t wait until I’ve married my adorable pirate Peggy-Sue’.

Jimmie turned to the next customer, a short, daggy bear. “Good morning um, sir?”.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

The auditor clipped his Ship of Doom Visitor’s Pass on.

CypherPax adjusted his eye patch and motioned the landlubber to proceed into the Ship of Doom. The auditor tried not to stare at the pirate playing by the gangplank. The pirate was poking a teddy with a large cutlass, pretending the teddy was walking the plank, and then tipped it brutally off. “Aren’t ya late for the poetry reading, Stealthfrequency mate?” asked CypherPax as he and the auditor passed.

The auditor had been sent from Matthew & Son, with strict instructions to not upset the rather touchy and bellicose pirates, especially when they’d had a tipple. He composed his features and mentally prepared for a very tedious audit. Matthew’s son had assured him that there would be embezzlements a plenty in the pirate’s cooked books. There was every year.

But the auditor knew all the tricks.

The Waltzing Matilda, earlier

Dropbear turned his back towards Space Wombat. “Wombie, I haven’t shaved for awhile, and you know I could only ask this of a mate. Ah, any dags on me?” he asked, innocently. Wombie quickly glanced at Dropbear, and sure enough, two round, solid dags were hanging stiffly. Wombie wrinkled his nose: “Not at all Dropie, clean as a whistle”. Dropbear nodded with relief.

“Well, wish me luck Wombie. I’m off to use my well-polished stand-under tactics on the G.R.O.S.S. Co-operative Building Society Bank. We can use their own money against them”. Wombat looked concerned: “Is that ethical Dropbear?” Dropbear rolled his eyes: “Sheesh Wombie, I reckon it’s OK to commit crimes if it helps the State. Anyways, may as well hang for a sheep, as for a lamb”. They laughed together, unashamedly.

“Come on Dropie, for once in your life at least try a beer or two. It’ll give you courage for the mission. It’s good Melbourne beer”. Wombie cracked a slab and against his better judgment, Dropbear took a swig, or two.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

Pirate Peggy-Sue quivered with excitement when she heard the news: she loved to play the French Court bimbo. And she so loved men wearing make-up and powdered wigs.

The Ship of Doom, earlier

The gathering looked at the new holo deck controls with interest. “What happened to the old holo deck” asked EBZM, curiously.

The quartermaster chuckled. “I sold it to Zoshan the Quartermaster of the MWS Manifest Destiny”. The gathering burst into raucous laughter. CypherPax even rolled on the ground with mirth. Pontius spluttered his beer, but didn’t drop it. “Gosh Quartermaster KitWarrior, that was truly evil” said Pontius. KitWarrior looked abashed: “Well…Ever since the holodeck got stuck in that bizarre western adventure, it wasn’t much fun at all!”.

“Serves the buggas of Brutopia right” sneered EBZM. Pontius glared at him: “EBZM, show a bit of respect to the drongos. Use their proper name”. EBZM shrugged: “Alright, serves the happy People’s Republic of middle America right”.

Spymaster Gerakken caressed the holodeck controls and turned to Pontius. “Ah, Captain. Can I be the Cardinal next. You can be the Sun King. Pleaaaase….”. He tried not to whine.

“Of-course gunner” said Pontius, keeping the tremor of excitement from his rich voice.


Notes:
1 I should advise any teenagers reading this that bank robbery (even from pirates of their ill-gotten gains) is not condoned by the writer.
2 The Fellowship of the Ring Ethics Committee later admonished Dropbear for his actions.
3 Pontius’ nickname is in fact Wigglewam and not Pookie.
4 Pontius has in fact often done two things at the very same time.
5 Gerakken does not use or condone makeup on blokes.
6 Married couples are not generally funny, but can cause amusement.
7 Solid mahogany is still fashionable.
8 Mrs Pax did not, in fact, pay off the Visa bill.
9 The Ship of Doom was later sold for scrap to a Singaporean business, and now languishes in Singapore harbour.
End of quote
Reply #5 Top
Author: bakka

Commentary: The story fragment I am about to present comes from the first part of bakka's epic journey as a bat without an empire who is going from thread to thread, searching for a new roost. Not only is the theme and layout of the whole story arc very appealing, but one just has to love the starship computer with an attitude. I hope bakka shows us some more chapters in the days to come.

I couldn't get the formatting for the quote to come out right, so I just copied it. From the Freedom Force Forum thread, post #171:

The Journey-Part 1

Disaster

Bakka sat in a newly designed prototype Star Hawk downing his medically subscribed morning beer while the onboard scientific equipment went “whiz hiss pop”. The nifty little space ship had come across a small dark cloud and had sensors extended from the nose cone to analyse the anomaly.

“Whiz hiss pop” said the science panel as Bakka scanned through the mornings news briefs from HQ
“Hmm large sensor blips reported from all deep space tracking stations. Could be trouble” Bakka told the panel.
“Whiz hiss pop” replied the panel
“That’s what I thought you would say” sighed Bakka
“Whiz bang pop”
“Huh? Computer!”
“Available” a metallic voice rang out.
“What was that?”
“Whiz bang pop” the metallic voice answers with a definite hint of smugness.
“Listen smart arse. I’m running the show here and you know what I was referring to.”
The metallic voice can be clearly heard sighing as it answers. “A brain the size of a planet and IT wants me to tell IT the difference between a whiz hiss pop and a whiz bang pop”
Bakka eyes pop open “IT? IT! You hunk of positronic junk! If you answer 42 I’m going to find Windows 3.1 and load it into your core program stack.”
“24?” the quip came back
“24! Right. That’s it. Reprogramming for you and your errant electrons when we get back to HQ.” yelled Bakka.
“You would just get me again. So does this mean you don’t want to know about the 24 Micro bots hidden inside the anomaly?”
“What you mean I….. Whoa, really? Micro Bots you say? Cool can we get them?” all annoyance faded at the unexpected find. ”Can you get them or do I need to go EVA?”
[Message Edited]
Reply #6 Top
I'm extending the nominations deadline by another 3 days to 6 Aug, Wed 2359 EST.

However, if we don't get more than 6 nominations, I will consider scrapping this event.
Reply #7 Top
Author : Christopher Packer / Killa Koala

Commentary : Chris being our inhouse Tolkien expert, I commissioned him about 2 months back to do some research as to the origins of the White Council and whether the Wizards in the Council wore robes of different colors. This is what he wrote in reply.

Dark has been my road in recent times, and long have I laboured on the White Council's behalf. Let me tell my tale. RayChua the Black set me a Quest to discover the origins and ethos of the White Council. But who now would know? With that thought, I forsook the chase, and passed swiftly to Gondor (1). In former days the members of the Order had been well received there, but Saruman most of all. Often he had been for long the guest of the Lords of the City. Less welcome did the Lord Denethor (2) show me than of old, and grudgingly he permitted me to search among his hoarded scrolls and books.

"If indeed you look only, as you say, for records of ancient days, and The White Council, read on!" he said. "For to me what was is less dark than what is to come, and that is my care. But unless you have more skill than Saruman, who has studied here long, you will find naught that is not well known to me, who am master of the lore of this city."

So said Derethor. And yet there lie in his hoards many records that few now can read, even of the lore-masters, for their scripts and tongues have become dark to later men. This did I find. Isildur did not march away straight from the war in Mordor, as some have told the tale. He went first to Minas Arnor and dwelt with his nephew (2A), instructing him, before he committed to him the rule of the Northern Kingdom. Long has that kingdom been lost (3). But in that time also he made this scroll, and thus wrote Isildur therin:

'The Great Ring (12) shall go now to be an heirloom of the Southern Kingdom (4); but records of it shall be left in Gondor, where also dwell the heirs of Elendil, lest a time come when the memory of these great matters shall grow dim.'

And after these words an heir of Isildur described The White Council, such as he found it.

'Even as the first shadows were felt in Mirkwood (5) there appeared in the west of Middle-Earth the Istari, whom men call the Wizards. None knew at that time whence they were, save Cirdan of the Havens, and only to Elrond and to Galadriel did he reveal that they came over the Sea. But afterwards it was said among the Elves that they were messengers sent by the Lords of the West to contest the power of Sauron, if he should rise again, and to move Elves and men and all living things of good will to valiant deeds. In the likeness of men (6) they appeared, old but vigorous, and they changed little with the years, and aged but slowly (7), though great cares lay on them; great wisdom they had, and many powers of mind and hand. Long they journeyed far and wide among Elves and men, and held converse also with beasts and with birds; and the peoples of Middle-earth gave to them many names, for their true names they did not reveal. Chief among them were those whom the Elves called Mithrandir and Curunir, but Men in the North (8) named Gandalf and Saruman. Of these Curunir was the eldest and came first, and after him came Mithrandir and Radagast, and others of the Istari who went into the east of Middle-earth, and do not come into these tales.
'Now at length the Shadow (9) returned and its power increased; and in that time was first made the Council of the Wise that is called the White Council, and therin were Elrond and Galadriel and Cirdan, and other lords of the Eldar, and with them were Mithrandir and Curunir. Then the White Council was summoned; and Mithrandir urged them to swift deeds, well knowing the evil deeds of the Shadow, but Curunir spoke against him, and counselled them to wait yet and to watch.
"For I believe not" said he, "that the Shadow will ever be dominant in Middle-earth. Into the Southern Seas they fell, and long ago, I deem, they lost the Beer Wars. Out of the top 3 shall they lie until the end, when all this world is broken and the scores are removed".
Thereafter nought was done, though Elrond's heart misgave him. "Many are the chances of the world," said Mithrandir, "and help oft shall come from the hands of the weak (10) when the wise shall falter."
Thus the Wise were troubled, but none as yet perceived that Curunir (11) had turned to dark thoughts and was already a traitor in heart: for he desired that he and no other should find the Great Ring (12) so that he might wield it himself and order all the world to his will. Too long he had studied the ways of Sauron (13) in hope to defeat him, and now he envied him as a rival rather than hated his works.'

Well, fair folks, you get the gist of the origins of the White Council, and the grand ethos it stands for. This was the somewhat abridged version. The conjectures below are mine alone. Clearly, further study must be done on just what names Curunir (who is on the White Council) and Sauron now go under. I can speculate, but will not yet tell you my mind.

But a final warning I shall make because my heart has warmed to the members of the White Council. When all these things are done, and the Heir of Isildur (10) has taken up the lordship of Men, and the dominion of the West has passed to them, then it is made plain that the power of the Three Rings (14) also shall end, and to the Firstborn (15) the world will grow old and grey. In that time the last of the Firstborn shall set sail from the Havens and leave Middle-earth for ever.

So um, let me be the first to say, see ya and have a good trip.


(1) Now the suburbs of Wellington.
(2) Who now, I believe, models himself as 'Code Monkey'.
(2A) The nephew later styled himself as Frogboy!!?
(3) Currently adrift at 11th place I believe.
(4) Need I point out where that is.
(5) Now known as the Mid West.
(6) Are you taking all of this in, RayChua and fellow monks? Is this what you want to be??
(7) Oh OK. I see the flip side now.
(8) The Euro Alliance perhaps, or the Vikings? None now know.
(9) But as we do now know- G.R.O.S.S.
(10) Mayhap another reference to the Southern Kingdom?
(11) Prithee, what name does Curunir now go under?
(12) A veiled reference to the 'Great Score'?
(13) And Sauron is..?
(14) The top 3 Empires of Galciv?
(15) The inaugural Galciv members I suspect.

[*Note: Some facts may have been changed or re-arranged for dramatic effect]

End of quote

Reply #8 Top
Author: Wild Wombat / Space Wombat

Commentary: And for my second nomination... another Aussie! After sifting through exploding sheep, drop bears, bananas in pajamas, etc., I reverted to this jewel. It’s... charming.

Enter the Dweeb

After the latest haul from Hobart, the Pegasus met up with the Doom and Wild Wombat strode up the gangplank to undertake his formal orientation. He stumbled on the last step, crashing into KitWarrior.

"Welcome to the Doom, boys!" Kit showed them to the small galley, alongside the spacious and attractive fully serviced bar. Wombat rushed to take in the alcoholic ambiance, but stood on Koala's paw in the process.

Kit explained the purpose of the indoctrination, and Wombat was so excited expounding on his chances of success that he ended up sweeping Hurley's martini into his lap.

"WOMBAT!" they all cried. "Take off that eyepatch!!"

The wild one reluctantly took off his pirate eyepatch and folded it away in his pocket. He resolved to practice more with it, as he thought he looked rather dashing, and after all - pirates wore eyepatches, didn't they?

The Long and Winding Dweeb

EBZ took Wombat aside and led him down to the armoury. "I understand that you, like me, enjoy taking your Metaverse triumphs in small, bite-size pieces." said EBZ. "You will be my disciple in this, Wombat. You will play until the streets run with blue Altarian blood...yes, the Altarian scum..." EBZ's face twisted with rage; his eyes glazed over - struggling for breath, he panted: "...rage...taking...over...medic...cupboard..."

Wombat reached inside the cupboard - and found only a bottle of Jack Daniels. He quickly brought it to the champion's mouth, and after a few swallows, EBZ was again able to speak. Wombat put the bottle back in the cupboard. EBZ tapped a few keys on the compu-thingy.

"You see, Wombat? In the time it took you to put that bottle away, I completed ANOTHER 10,000 point small game. You will learn this skill. But you will also need to be well armed - and I have a gift for you."

EBZ presented Wombat with a laser cutlass; a finely forged glittering instrument of destruction. Wombat proudly whipped it into the scabbard at his right hip. Unfortunately, EBZ had not yet given him a scabbard, and he had pierced a hole right through his best pair of jeans. He could also feel a squelchy sensation between the toes of his right foot, but he was too brave to look down.

EBZ sighed slowly, and took another swig from the bottle. "Remember - we be da crrranking bruvvers, mon! Now go and make me proud!"

The Once and Future Dweeb

Staffa looked straight at Wild Wombat. "It falls to me to give you the best preparation we can for the battles that lie ahead." Staffa revealed a portable DVD-thingy and pressed his thumb onto the security lock that activated the device. "This contains the collected strategy from all the GROSS masters over the generations, from EBZ, Coffeedragon, Pontius, Gerakken, myself and many others. It is: THE BIG BOOK OF GROSS. Wombat...Wombat...WAKE UP!!!"

Wombat stirred himself. :S-s-sorry Staffa, I just got a bit lost after that...strakay...stretigggy...I'm just not sure..."

Staffa sighed. "That is all, Wombat. You may go."

Wombat was slightly disappointed, as he felt he was really coming to grips with the technical equipment on the Pegasus. Mind you, everyone raved about the CD-burner, and Wombat didn't think it made very good toast.

I can't get no Dweeb

Wombat was in his cabin when he heard the voice. "Well Wombat, it is time you learned what the Spymaster can do for you."

"WOW!" said Wombat. "I mean, I can hear your voice, but can't detect you anywhere! You really ARE the master spy, aren't you! All those times I thought I had you - exploding sheep, drop bears, gangsta-bananas, ninja-Wiggles - and you were always a step ahead of me! I am deeply honoured by your skills, great Spymaster...tell me more!"

"Wombat."

"Yes, Gerakken?"

"Wombat...pirates don't usually wear two eyepatches at once."

"Oh." Wombat took off the eyepatches he had been practising with, and looked into the eyes of the Spymaster. The Spymaster sighed, patted his new recruit on the shoulder, and left the cabin quietly.

All Dweebs lead to here

Wild Wombat strolled down the corridor to Pontius' cabin. The great man was sitting behind his desk, idly tossing a autographed baseball that normally rested in a small stand. "Wombat...you need to understand what it takes to lead a successful franchise. See that large red lever beside you?"

Without further ado, Wombat pulled the big red lever back and forward.

"Humph...yes. Fortunately, that is a practice lever that I installed for Gerakken. When he gets tense about command, I let him come in here and practice with the large red lever - Wombat! Wipe that smirk off your face! - because he never knows when he will have to pull it for real."

"This will complete your initial orientation, Wombat - there are many others for you to meet here...our female staff, Cypher, Darth Bob, the whole gang...and of course...your medical with Dr. Quinn...[he shuddered at this]...but that will do for now. We were very pleased with that excellent Tasmanian beer you dropped off, although you can keep the wine. Now go - and carry GROSS to victory across the Metaverse!!"

Pontius and Gerakken watched as the Pegasus grew smaller in their scanners.
End of quote
Reply #9 Top
Ray,

You have always been my HERO but more than that my FRIEND.

BECAUSE of this I MUST FOREWARN YOU!

Isolating one artist and saying his work is better or is the favorite over others can leave a very negative effect on current and new artists.

Good praise in general may be a better way to go, ie. A HALL of FAME ; voters can nominate and you can add a few into the Hall of fame . Or singled out best one liners in a story.

Artists may feel overlooked or misunderstood for their great efforts. This could have more of a negative effect than the positively affect your looking for in OUR G.C. FAMILY!

But then again I'm only speculating your friend MM77.




Reply #10 Top
Author: TheQuack.

Commentary: One of the first "stories" I ever read in the Galciv universe. Quack obviously had a solid grounding in writing funny things well before he found Galciv. I can't believe it was only 2 months ago!

#181 by Citizen TheQuack - 6/11/2003 1:20:59 PM

MM77: HOW in H$!! did YOU become a BATTLE CRUISER VICE PRESIDENT! WHOS LIPOP! did YOU SUCK!!!.......

Last time I checked, there was still only one president here, that narrows down the field a LOT. He's a bit of a LIPOP!-head, though. His poems don't even spell CariElf like they used to

Back to business...

The Cari-Elf Fan Club Proudly Presents

C A R I - C O N

The Only Convention Experience For Any TRUE Fan

Sponsored By W.C.a.r.i.E.l.f, Stardock, and Dodgy Brothers Merchandising.

Ground rules:

a.Read the original constitution. Pay special attention to rules 3 and 4, re: fighting and
kind words.

b. The standard challenge: go up to another fan, and say "Oy, you, let's fight!". The other fan is duty-bound to respond "Them's fighting words!" and dig in. First person to say "a kind word" or get really smashed loses, and they have to go stand at the back.

c. Fans will not pick fights with convention staff. They have been issued with cattle prods, and know how to use them.

d. A "no-no" refers to a breach of the rules. The penalty for a no-no will vary, but it will usually involve cattle prods, an angry crowd, and being thrown through a window.

e. Injured people (i.e. losers) will stay at the rear, but are free to fight amongst themselves for standing positions. People who are unable or unwilling to fight will be right at the back wall, behind the losers. However, picking fights with the back wall people (or the paramedics with them) is a no-no. Winning such a fight is easy, but doesn't get you any closer to HER. So what's the point? What do you think this is, a fight club?

---

9:00 - 10:00am : Sign-in
Fair warning: the convention center has 1,000 seats. We sold a lot more than 1,000 tickets. Having a ticket gives you to right to compete for entry. It's simple: when 1000 people are still standing outside, we will open the doors. Several steamrollers will ensure that camping out overnight does not work.

10:00 - 10:30 : First aid and safety briefs
See? We care.

10:30 - 11:00 : Round 1 elimination
It's always annoying when there's some bighead in
front of you. Solve it. Use the standard challenge on
whoever's in front (if he's challenging someone already, look behind you.) Losers retire, winners get a better view.

11:00 - 12:00 : Sidekick speeches
A few of the junior staff (like Frogboy) will come along to say how great it is working with CariElf. Nothing you didn't already know, but they really begged to come, so I let them tag along. If you don't like it, there's...

11:00 - 12:00 : Poetry recital
Per our constitution, we're supposed to let people impress with pretty words. Whatever works for you, just head to the sub-basement and do your best.

11:05 : Accidental explosion in sub-basement
(if an explosion doesn't occur, contact convention staff immediately)

11:10: Second accidental explosion
(in case anyone else was late)

12:00 - 1:00 : Lunch
This is an experience, not just a convention, and we wanted you to experience the high-flying lifestyle of the computer industry. So, we've got the best cold pizza and high-caffiene cola money can buy.

1:00 - 2:00 : Round 2 elimination
That comic-book-guy lookalike next to you is really starting to stink. Issue the challenge. Loser retires. Winner gets a spot to keep his merchandise, which he'll be buying next.

2:00 - 3:00 : Trade Goods & Auction
Make your way to the trade show, where we'll have collectibles for every budget on display, from photos just waiting to be autographed, to the special edition CariElf silver dollars, all the way to secret one-of-a-kind items. Everyone will be shopping around - but taking someone else's seat while they're away is cowardly, i.e. a no-no. If you want a better seat, use the challenge. Loser gets the worst seat of the two.

3:00 : SHE ARRIVES!
You know how to worship. You know the anthem. Failure is a BIG no-no.

3:00 - 4:00 : Autographs.
The line will be orderly. Frontages/backages are no-nos. To switch places, use the challenge. When you reach The Table, step up, say your name clearly, take two steps to the left, and receive your autographed merchandise. If you have not bought anything to autograph, you will receive NOTHING. If someone else happens to sign your item instead of CariElf, you will NOT complain. Just walk away. (See the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld for more details.)

4:00 - 4:30: Final elimination.
We have some lucky door prizes, based on "random" seat
numbers. Anyone in one of the front 25 seats by 4:30 gets an autographed photo of them with HER. We have extra prizes for seats 1,2, and 3, but there's only one to find out what they are.

4:30: SHE SPEAKS!!!
Words can't express her words, so I won't even try. Just buy a ticket and you'll see.

HURRY! TICKETS STILL AVAILABLE! ORDER NOW!
Reply #11 Top
Author: MM77

Commentary: Now, I know MM77 won't thank me for posting this. Nonetheless, MM77 (or The Pres.) wrote some great pieces in the CariElf Fan Club, which he created. He had me completely fooled for a long time, until the day his mum corrected his English. This piece is a sample of his kookiness and wit.

PS: After Richard Heaton is supposed to say something, should appear a couple of lines of symbols. They don't copy, so use your imagination.


*****************THE-C-FILES*******************

* CODE NAME CariElf *tm.

CHAPTER ONE: THE SET UP.

* CariElf * Nah, you people don't scare me. I know it's all in good fun, and I have to say that this thread is highly entertaining.

* MM77 * FOOLS, My plans are comming alone NICELY! These GEEKS think this is ALL for FUN!...With thier FAINT HARTED post of LOVE. I WILL woo CariElf with the REAL DEAL she'll well have no CHOISE but to fall in LOVE with ME! And FINNALY! I WILL BE WITH MY TRUE LOVE!!!...

Bha....ha..ha..ha......HAY! WAIT! is that MIC on AGAIN!!!!.......

* Chistopher Packer * Hey MM77, how does Yellow Sign always get to post directly after Our Goddess? Are CariElf and Yellow Sign using the same PC perhaps??? He admits he is Evil, but we knew that because you have to do unspeakable things to get that leering red face.

* MM77 * Chis,

Thats becuse that is the CLOSEST he will EVER GET!
to OUR GODDEST!

With the TERRO STAR & MM77 He don't stand a chance.

Bha....ha..ha..ha....OOPS!

( Little dose anyone know MM77 has been working on a TELEPORT MACHINE! WHAT DASTERLY DEED is he UP to!? )

* MM77 * FOOLS! Thay have no idea I have a teleport machine I've been working on for years and NOW ITS COMPLETE!

All I have to do is turn it on when I belive CariElf is WATCHING the monitor and I can TELEPORT HER HERE!

( Meanwhile on CariElf's END )

* CariElf * Frogboy, Boogie Bac, Chistopher Packer, Yellow Sign, TheQuack, Blue Ocean, Richard Heaton, Forceinfinity, Greakken, Keith LaMothe, Bobo and ALL the REST of the CariElf FAN CLUB. I would like to Thank you all for comming HERE to PARTY! For ALL the HARD WORK ALL of YOU have done to BRITTEN UP MY LIFE, I'M THROWING this FOR YOU!

* Chistopher Packer * I WISH I could have seen the look on MM77 FACE when I said " I wounder if Yellow Sign is using the same PC " I could hardly keep a STRAIGHT FACE!

* Yellow Sign * What a DORK! THANK GOD HE's THERE! and were HERE!

* CariElf * PLEASE DON'T mention that CREEP! MY STOMOCH TURNS EVERY TIME I SEE ONE OF HIS POSTS!

* Boogie Bac * Gee I don't know I KIND of LIKE HIM.

* The Group * Boogie Bac!!!!!!!

( Back at MM77 end! )

* MM77 * I'VE FINALLY TRACED HER COMPUTER!.......HERE GOES........BHA.....ha...ha....ha............

( JUST THEN a BIG PUFF SOUND!!! ..........The smoke slowly clears MM77 see's the LOVELY CariElf laying on the floor, He runs to her. )

* MM77 * IT WORKED! IT WORKED!!

( Jsut then ALL of the SMOKED CLEARED! )

* MM77 * WHAT!!!! .........HOW DID THAY ALL GET HERE!!!!!

WELL I will worry about THAT later! I MUST TIE MY LOVES LEGS and HANDS and get out of HERE BEFORE THAY ALL WAKE UP!

( MM77 Makes a break for it WITH CariElf! LEAVING his HOME!.........SHE slowly starts to wake........ )

* CariElf * ....unnnn...whhhaaaat..HAY WHATS THAT ALLFUL SMELL!!!

* MM77 * Excuse Me MY LOVE I didn't get a chance to SHOWER.

* CariElf * EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!.......PUT ME DOWN YOU GEEK-ANDERTHAL!

* MM77 * THANK YOU MY LOVE!...most people call me a NERDANDETHAL!...But any way I can't release you until I get a chance to explain...Puff,puff AAAH MY LOVE your a LITTLE HEAVIER then I dreamed...Hee..he..

* CariElf * TWIURP!!!I only weigh 98 lbs!

( Just then her portable computer RINGS! )

* CariElf * PUT ME DOWN NOW THAT MIGHT BE AN E-MAIL FROM MOMZILLA!

* MM77 * YES DEAR.

( CariElf and Frogboy have the latest in computer TECH. With vidio/voice confrance. )

* CariElf * Frogboy HELLLLLLLLP! This CREEP! HAS ME PRISIONER!

* Frogboy * I KNEW! THAT MM77 WAS A PHONEY! I NEVER DID LIKE HIM!!!

* Boogie Bac * Gee he Seems OK with me he seems to have GOOD TAST in WOMAN.

* Group * Boogie BAC!!

* Richard Heaton * GIVE ME THAT COMMPUTER! I KNOW HOW to COMMUNICATE with that NEARDADERTHAL!...........





* MM77 *

* Group * WHAT HE SAY!?

* Richard Heaton * BAH.......ha...ha...ha....

* Greakken * The CAD!

* Chistopher Packer * Betrayed...I feel so VIOLATED.

* Blue Ocean * This is no time to fall apart MEN! WE MUST JOIN FORCES!....And TOGETHER WE ARE .........THE G.C. FORCE!tm.

* The G.C. FORCE * YEAAAAAAAAAH

* Frogboy * NOW let get HIM MEN! ....never did like him....( THE TRIAL by PINK FLOYD playing in the background. )

* CariElf * Have YOU EVER HEARD of TOOTHPAST!...IF I BREAK one fingernail I'LL KILL YOU!

* MM77 * YES MY LOVE.....PUFF....puff..

( CariElf could easly beat the CRAP out of MM77 she has a 5th dan. BLACK BELT in GEEK-FU. )

TILL NEXT TIME!

PEACE
Reply #12 Top
Author: Blue Ocean

Commentary: The first Skowbo swamp story that was written. You guessed it: in the CariElf Fan Club at page 8. They were halcyon days! Are you still out there Blue Ocean?: I miss you. And I think Quack does too! I must say, Bluey's obvious love for Quack brought a lump to my throat. The rest of the story is on the CFC thread.


#189 by Citizen Blue Ocean - 6/12/2003 11:29:39 AM

I've been working on this for a little while, so I'll start it now. This one is dedicated to CariElf, but it goes out to you, TheQuack! Two chapters per post, four in the story. I'll post the other two tonight or tomorrow.

The Voyage - Chapter 1

It was stifling. The marsh's boggy air oppressed all living things within to the point that little life above a proto-cellular level could survive within. Some compared it to hell on Earth, or in this case, Skowbo II, just without the fire. The comparison failed to capture the gruesome monstrousness of the place. It was called the Skowbo Death Marsh, and from it few escaped. Only one kind of creature lived in that place, and its name was unmentionable.

Little of this had yet pressed itself on the mind of a young explorer currently orbiting the planet in a Mitrosoft manufactured Scout which he had affectionately named "You Piece of Crap!" He was preparing his evening meal, or what would have been his evening meal were he at home on Earth. Out in space, the concepts of night and day had little relevance beyond the arbitrary meaning the pitiful sentient creatures that travelled its depths assigned them.

The young man's name was Blue, and he had come to this planet with one purpose in mind. To this point, he had spent his life seeking a divine being, something amazing and beautiful, something not yet seen in the vastness that was the galaxy. He had travelled everywhere, without finding anything that could closely match his hopes. He had visited the Telnath crystal on the homeworld of the Drengin empire, but though the power of that artifact was palpable, even at a distance of miles (the Drengin let no Terrans any nearer), it was certainly not divinity, and it was not stopping the humans from crushing the monkeys in their latest border conflict. Various Precursor devices that had been discovered elsewhere in the universe also failed to impress Blue with the sense of wonder that he was seeking.

He spent the first two years after his graduation from the Hyperion University on Earth searching to no avail, until by chance he had wandered across a document deep in the bowels of the Omega Research center in the Altarian republic. It had described exactly what he was looking for, a force of good and light so powerful and wondrous that none had yet located it. The paper came from the Annals of the Altarian Society of Scrying and Psychokenesis, and thus had been largely ignored by the academic community as being meaningless, and, worse, potentially dangerous if heeded. It was well known that, for all their strengths, the cybernetic implants most Altarians used to correct genetic defects caused psychic impotence. Blue could find no confirmation of the Altarian lead in any other scholarly report, but after two years of fruitless searching, he decided to give it a go anyway.

So here has was, orbiting Skowbo, seeking wonder.

The Voyage - Chapter 2

During the sleep cycle, the "night", Blue woke suddenly to the sound of metal on metal, a screeching noise that he quickly ascribed to the regular malfunctions of the You Piece of Crap, until he heard the alarms blast out across all bands of sensation, psychic and normal. The alarms and the screeching were accompanied, strangely, by the sound of a duck quacking in the sound system of his ship.

"Malfunction, malfunction, auto-repair systems malfunctioning! Hull breach! Depressurization under way!"

Disgusted, Blue said, to no one in particular, "I hate ducks."

Abandoning all hope of sleep, he ran to the bridge, and noted with some dissatisfaction that an asteroid had struck the hull, doing irreperable damage that would probably cause a short end to his thus far short life.

"Computer, emergency descent, starting in twenty!"

"Emergency descent in twenty, all hands please proceed to the stasis tubes. Emergency descent in seventeen, all hands please proceed to the stasis tubes. Fourteen, thirteen . . ."

Blue was already prepping the one stasis tube on board to keep him safe during the descent. It slipped open, and he leapt inside as the computer said, "Five." Sealing the tube quickly, he prayed that the landing wouldn't do too much damage, and blacked out as the soporfic sealing agents filled the tube.
Reply #13 Top
Well, we've got more than 6 nominations so the event is going to continue! :D

Here's a recap of the nominations.

1. TheQuack - Botox Hyperbunnies
2. Killa Koala - The Ship of Doom
3. bakka - The Journey
4. Killa Koala - Origins of the White Council
5. Wild Wombat - The Dweeb
6. TheQuack - Cari-Con
7. MM77 - The C-Files
8. BlueOcean - The Voyage

Nominations will close by 2359 EST today. :HOT:
[Message Edited]
Reply #14 Top
Author: Wild Wombat

Commentary: I am going over my allotted nominations, but what are they going to do to me? This piece by my little mate Wild Wombat is one of my favourite stories. It tells the story of the demise of Freedom Force. Funny, good pacing, imaginative: you'll love it.


#2 by Citizen Wild Wombat - 7/24/2003 10:05:48 PM

Wombat could hardly take in all the happenings over the past few days. In orbit around Palain Seven comtemplating a ground mission, the discussions were suddenly interrupted by Hurley at the helm yelling out: "Hey guys...the ground's awful clo".

Then everything went black.

The blasted Yor had tracked the Avatar and fired a missile salvo, striking amidships. The brave Avatar fell to earth and burst apart like a ripe melon, spilling its contents over the frozen surface. The heroes were thrown clear, lost, each wandering alone over the inhospitable terrain. Wombat spent two days, shivering, eating ice and snow (pretending they were delicious honey-and-witchety-grub slurpees, not very successfully) until two remarkable things happened.

Stumbling into an ice cave seeking shelter, Wombat leaned up against the cave wall, only to discover that the wall was not ice, but a dark metallic substance that felt slightly warm to the touch, even in this frigid place. He used the little warmth to revive himself, and explored the wall further. It took another day, but the wall took shape: a spaceship, partly buried in the ice.

And what a ship! Wombat finally found an access hatch after digging away the slush at the base of the wall, and began exploring the amazing vessel. Wombat knew little of the Precursors, other than what he heard on the bush school radio lessons, but he could see this ship was radical in design. If only there was some way to release the ship from its frozen prison!

He was rejoicing at his good fortune, when the second remarkable thing happened.

Leaving the ship's access hatch the next morning, he was confronted by the presence of an immense starship hovering over him. Without needing to look at the insignia, he recognised it: the famous GROSS Survey Ship of Doom. He had crossed swords with this crew before; had tried in all manner of ways to effect their defeat with exploding sheep, drop bears, bananas-in-pyjamas, the Wiggles....to no avail. After all, wasn't it he who set the Doom's very engine and laser system to kill their mighty leader Pontius? That the darn thing malfunctioned and ended up carving 'Veteran' into the man's brow was....unexpected. And here, in his moment of triumph, they appeared to take their revenge, to collapse the small, perishingly cold little bubble of hope that Wild Wombat had blown for himself over the past couple of days.

The Doom settled to ground and the hatch opened. Wombat stood, simply hoping it would be quick and without humiliation, although he knew these particular pirates better than that. He took a deep sigh, drew himself up to his full 3ft6in height, and prepared himself - whatever happened, he would take it like a wombat. Even though he didn't quite know what that meant, he felt he should at least think it, 'cause it seemed an awfully brave thing to think at that particular time.

A shadow moved in the hatch. Expecting the snub nose of a laser rifle....Wombat saw a penguin flipper raised in welcome! Suddenly, Hurley and Drop Bear were racing across the ice towards him! The three met in an affectionate but extremely manly embrace in front of the partly buried Precursor ship. Wild Wombat then saw the spymaster, Gerakken, walking slowly towards the group, with Pontius, Kit and EBZM emerging from the hatch.

"Do they just want to kill us all together?" asked Wombat. Drop Bear and Hurley looked at each other, then back at Wombat. "Well, no...not right away anyway." said Drop Bear.

Hurley took Wombat's paw: "They have devised an incredible plan for universal domination. It is the culmination of years of planning and ruthless endeavour...it the most fiendish thing I have ever seen. It will insinuate itself through the entire Metaverse, fusing with the fabric of time and space, and deliver the complete and utter submission of those that stand against them."

Drop Bear took Wombat's other paw and looked straight into his eyes: "It is.....MARKETING. They're offering us a franchise! Trade marks, merchanising, copyrights, business plans, focus group survey results, the whole shebang! Usual terms, ten percent deposit, percentage of profits to the parent company, performance indicators, yadda, yadda, yadda - but what an opportunity! Bankrolled by a universal pirate organisation!!"

Wild Wombat sensed his friends excitement at this promising new business opportunity. "The problem is, I have...history...with some of them. Assassination attempts may be a little difficult to overlook, despite the favourable investment climate and positive economic indicators."

Hurley clapped him on the shoulder: "Mate, we've been through all that with them. It's results they're interested in...they don't mind who or how, they just want to dominate the Metaverse. I mean, they're our kind of people!"

Things moved swiftly from that point...teams of space lawyers drawing up contracts, signing ceremonies, PR gigs, launches....

...it was thus that Wombat found himself in deep space, on the bridge of the now salvaged Precursor ship, drifting alongside the Doom. Wombat had gone EVA to lovingly paint a new name on the vessels side: Winged Keelhaul.

He walked slowly through the great ship, wondering at it's marvels, to its precious core: the cool room. This was their fellow pirate's celebratory gift: corridors full of beer, of every type and description - Wombat simply wandered, looking, touching beers from all around the world. There was even a room beside this one filled with even stranger bottles. Drop Bear called this a 'cellar', although Wombat wasn't sure what those bottles were for. These pirates certainly knew how to live. He nearly tripped over Hurley, reclining in a deck chair, sipping a dry martini and reading his favourite book: Zen and the art of Lethal Violence.

They smiled knowingly at each other, both sensing that they were once again off on another fabulous adventure, to who knows where.....
Reply #15 Top
Breakin' the law...

Breakin' the law...
Reply #16 Top
The limit was set so that no one will overly dominate nominations but since there are so few of them, I don't see a problem removing the limit.
Reply #17 Top
Author: KitWarrior

Commentary: Fabulous. Then I can nominate another favourite author. Kit is a warm, fuzzy sorta guy who looks evil and acts evil, but is just a big, mushy kid inside. He always tries something different: yes, he is innovative and fresh. He posts everywhere too. This piece is a classic Kit.


#1689 by Citizen KitWarrior - 7/30/2003 12:28:33 AM

The Real G.R.O.S.S.: Episode 68

The Odd Roommates

Gerakken and Mary-Lou hugged as she stepped through the front doorway. It had been five years since Mary-Lou last saw her cousin and they had a lot of catching up to do.

"Mary-Lou, this is my roommate, EBZ." They exchanged handshakes and the usual pleasantries.

"Here, have a seat." Gerakken gestured to the couch. "Would you care for anything to drink?"

Minutes passed as the two cousins exchanged stories in the common room. Laughter, giggles. Laughter, giggles. EBZ was busy in the kitchen making a snack for himself. He was eavesdropping, but only in order to catch a break in the conversation, which he found.

"Geras!" he called out to his roomie. "Did you leave dirty dishes in both sides of the kitchen sinks?"

"What do you see?" came the reply.

EBZ growled quietly. "It's much more efficient if you keep all the dirty dishes on one side!"

"Yes, Mr. Efficient. You've told me already." Gerakken looked over to the coffee table. "Are these your empty bottles on the coffee table, EBZ? They're not on a coaster!"

Another quiet growl. "No, Coaster Nazi! Those bottles belong to our ghost roommate!" Such sarcasm.

Mary-Lou thought of a funny comment and decided to share. "When are you two getting married?" She giggled.

The Gazebo's Shade

The humidity was a bit stifling, but the two fathers didn't mind. Any break from the fams was a welcome one. Wombat took another swig of his light beer and looked over the craftsmanship of the shaded area.

"Nice gazebo, Cypher."

"Thanks."

"Pine?"

"Only the foundation. The rest is mahogany."

"Expensive?"

"Yes."

They both took another gulp from their cans.

"How's your garden, Wombie?"

"Doing fine."

"Tomatoes ripe yet?"

"Not yet. Couple more days."

"And the berries?"

"Not doing so well."

"Too much heat?"

"Perhaps."

They soaked up as much shaded peace as they could. In another ten minutes or so they would have to report back to their domestic masters.

Math Class

"Kit?" The fuzzy one waited patiently. "Do you have the answer?" Seconds passed without a response. Kit was hunched over the kitchen table, his nose a mere inch from the scratchpad.

Killa sighed heavily. "It's ok, Kit. Lemme help."

"No no no! I almost have it!" He waved his tutor off. After a few more scribbles, Kit shouted, "42!"

Killa frowned. "Are you serious?" He shook his disapproving head. "First of all, you're trying to find the value of 'b' in terms of 'y'. Second, you're dealing with square roots and fractions. Your answer should be something like twenty-five point seven times 'y' squared over the square root of four point nine times 'y'."

"Is that the answer?" Kit asked with teardrops glistening in his eyes.

Another heavy sigh. "I'll show you how to get the answer... again. Move over." Killa pushed a chair next to Kit's and climbed up to the table. Even though that night never seemed to end for the poor koala, at least it was 'quality time'.

roll credits

Tune in for the next episode of The Real G.R.O.S.S. when Staffa has an epiphany - "I really have been sleeping this whole time!"
Reply #18 Top
Author: Gerakken

Commentary: This story has been hidden in the thread Come sail the sea of stars with G.R.O.S.S., but has really been some of the best story telling I've read. A good read for anyone who enjoys a little espionage. I'm posting this even though it's not completed...I don't know if it'll be done before the deadline. Also, there's no title, so I'll just call it Fellowship Infiltration.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

GROSS did drive off the MWC fleet, but the Fellowship owners of the sector were not pleased with the disturbance. The great space battle between GROSS and the MWC was not without losses on both sides. Not all the pilots made it home. Fellowship agents were busily gathering intelligence and rescuing the lost pilots, some of whom would choose to stay with their new hosts.

The Doom and the raider fleet of the new South Seas franchise shared the plunder of the raided MWS Milwaukee. Such a slow supply ship was of no use to the fast-moving GROSS combined fleet, so the ship and the survivors were disarmed and set adrift. Maybe they would find their way back to the MWC Fleet, maybe they would be overtaken by the Fellowship. Either way, it was time to leave, so GROSS was on the move again, trying to get out of Fellowship space before more fighting erupted.

Gerakken suited up for repair work. A big hole on H Deck needed to be sealed. No one had been inside the damaged hold since the breach, so the first order of business was to inspect the cavernous storage rooms to see if any inner bulkheads needed to be mended as well. Then the repair droids would know what needed to be done and called in.

Passing through the airlock into the sealed section, Gerakken could see the stars through the hull on the other side of the hold. A complete breach, at least 50 feet around. But he was expecting that. The Doom's enviromental and damage control systems had already noted that there was no power or sensors in the affected holds. Going toward a hatch to one of the adjacent holds, Gerakken quickly darted to the left of the hatch and turned off his suit lights on instinct.

The hatch slowly opened, and a light shone through. The Spymaster was worried. No one should be down here. A robed figure encased in some sort of blue force field carefully entered the main hold, a light globe held aloft in one of his hands. A Fellowship wizard! He must have teleported in here through the breach sometime during the battle. Gerakken used all of his stealth skill to slowly creep away from the hatch to the corner of the hold. The intruder had not spotted him, and Gerakken would like to keep it that way.

Two more globe-encased intruders slowly followed their robed leader into the hold. One had some kind of leather armor on while wearing an open faced helmet with a sword dimly glowing with a yellow light in hand and another sheathed sword on his belt. A bandolier of throwing knives was around his chest. This one must be the bodyguard for the detail, what old spacers called a red shirt. The other was a bald man who wore simple clothes and had no weapons at all. The bald one seemed to be holding a quill and a writing board, taking notes on parchment. Must be a Fellowship scholar or scientist of sorts.

Gerakken slowly fingered his comm controls, knowing that the spacesuit was almost soundproof, and whispered into his helmet microphone to the bridge: "Intruder alert, H Deck, starboard main hold. At least three boarders. Silent alarm only. Subjects are not currently hostile and are under observation. Post teams outside the hold and out of sight."

Were these explorers gathering information or saboteurs wishing to cause mayhem and further cripple the Doom?


--------------------------------------------

The Fellowship visitors slowly made their way to the main airlock out of the hold. They were gesturing at each other and to the panel on the wall. Gerakken knew enough about the Fellowship to know that most of them understood technological concepts, but were leary of trusting technology and had limited practical knowledge of its use. After a few brief seconds of the bald man trying to figure out the controls, the robed wizard waved his hand and the outer door opened. Gerakken was in a bind. Staying hidden and still in the quiet corner was one thing, but trying to sneak up on the group now while wearing a spacesuit when they entered a well-lit room would surely expose him. Against his normal policy of never letting observation targets out of sight, Gerakken stayed where he was and let the visitors enter the lock.

Over the comm channel, Gerakken could hear security monitoring the progress of the three:

"They are in the lock. The robed man is putting the light globe into his robe. It looks like they are discussing something... I can't make it out. Team 1, team 2, are you in position?"

"Roger, control. We are in position in side corridors off the main passageway."

"What is this? Team 1, team 2, the robed man is chanting something and gesturing. We lost visual of the target! The camera is working, but they are gone! No readings on infrared cameras, either! Wait, the inner door is opening. Nothing on cameras still. Teams, move in. Block the main passage now! The door is closing. We still have no visual on the target."

Gerakken made his way to the outer door. After it opened, he walked into the airlock and waved his outstretched arms widely in front of him, checking to see if the unseen ones had truly left the airlock. Nothing was felt, but it was a vain attempt in this big airlock with large doors designed to drive vehicles through. The Fellowship trio could very well be staying right out of reach while invisible. The fire alarm could be tripped, flooding the airlock with a special gas, but the infiltrators obviously had some sort of respiration assistance if they could walk out in the breached hold exposed to the void of space. The gas might also outline the targets as it poured in, but visibility in the thick gas was very limited. Unless the unseen ones were within a few feet, they would still be invisible. And then the gas would have to be pumped out. So a fire drill was not a good idea.

It was time to take off the spacesuit. Trying to stalk people in a space suit in a dark, vacuum filled hold is one thing, but the suit was noisy and bulky under normal conditions. It was better resume the hunt for the mystery guests after taking off the suit. Security could be heard on Gerakken's earpiece still:

"Team 1, team 2, be advised Gerakken is in the airlock."

"Control, roger that. We rushed the passage and are now on both sides of the inner airlock door. No way the intruders could have got past us!"

Meanwhile, the stealthy visitors were amazed at how well they could currently elude security. They had indeed left the airlock. Hearing the thundering rush of the security teams coming towards them from down side corridors on both sides of the main passage was discouraging, but a simple dimension door spell transported the three in an instant far down the passage. They smiled at each other from within their small invisibility globe as the charging guards rounded the corner far behind them and found only each other.

The Fellowship needed information. If the boarding party's luck held out, they may well reach their goal: the Doom's central computer bank. From there, the goal would be to try and access other GROSS terminals that would include information on ports of call in friendly star systems, lists of corporate holdings, both legitimate and criminal, personnel records, operational briefings, and even the ability to control the Doom itself if the situation required it and the team was compromised. Unfortunately for the infiltrators, their luck would soon sour.

-------------------------------------------

The brave band of invisible intruders were at a critical point in light of their tactical situation. Way behind them, but in clear sight, were two GROSS security details outside the airlock they dimension doored from. The only side passage in sight was back down the main passage, close to the airlock. Ahead of them was a closed door. Doubling back could be very advantageous, but if the teams started spreading out to do a radial search, the hidden party could well have security right on their heels. Opening the door ahead of them, though, might be spotted. It would be very suspicious if a door slid open and no one was seen using it.

While Naifir, the wizard and leader of the group took a moment to pondered his options, Nebel the bald scribe thought about how they got into this jam in the first place:

An elite Fellowship recon craft was surveying the last epic battle between GROSS, the MWC, and the Fellowship when their ship happened upon the large hole in the side of the Doom. The captain, hoping that his ship's chameleon cloak kept the craft hidden, swung back around and hovered for a few brief seconds at long range in front of the gap. The volunteers for the landing party assembled. These were some of the best covert agents the Fellowship possessed. These agents know the assignments they undertake can easily cost them their lives, but violence is not their preferred method. Investigate, evaluate, and evacuate is the usual drill. The Fellowship is no longer a sleepy, isolated civilization in the Tolkien star system. Their influence has grown greatly, and contact and potential conflict with other empires is now unavoidable. This makes intelligence gathering of primary importance. Most of the empires that could rival the Fellowship may be nearly clueless on the uses of magic, but they had an immense advantage in technology and experience in using it.

The pirates known as GROSS posed an extreme risk if total open warfare broke out. They had a reputation for being ruthless and efficient plunderers. This reputation, as well as the large size of the GROSS empire, made the Fellowship leaders nervous. Now there was an opportunity to infiltrate the mothership itself with a team of agents and see what made GROSS tick from the inside, if the team can infiltrate the ship and not be captured or killed in the process, that is. Inside that ship is a wealth of knowledge. Not in huge libraries of scrolls or magical oracles holding the wisdom of the ages, but in computers, a technology the Fellowship was uncomfortable with, but very useful for piloting a starship over vast distances or targeting these new-fangled beam weapons at long range.

The three volunteers, Naifur the wizard, Hulfar the blademaster, and Nebel the scribe, had assembled on the bridge. After casting a protection barrier on the members of the band so they could stand the rigors of space, Naifir, using some telescopic assistance via a large magical spyglass mounted on the bridge to better fix his target, teleported onto the deck inside the hole. From there, they had cautiously explored a couple of the side holds before Naifir used a knock spell to open the large door that led further into the ship. Then they entered this large hanger and quickly noticed the Doom's version of wizard eyes all over the place: cameras, as the other empires called them. Naifir protested about the amount of magical energy this journey was already costing him, but cast an invisibility globe on the group and knocked open the second door. It did not help matters when the group's presence was obviously detected and Naifir had to dimension door the party out of the way of the approaching guards. Now they were in a pickle, stuck between a door and doubling back into the guards. But they were inside the main part of the ship. That was a start.

Naifir continued to think about his options. Would a darkness spell over the whole area do? No. Casting a spell into a closed or inaccessable area requires some kind of beacon at the site to focus on or some sort of scrying magic to see the area from afar. The darkness could cover this side of the passage easily, but would not pass through the blocked door. The cameras on the other side would still see the door open and the guards down the passage would notice the dark area. Even if every guard on this ship were drunk (a common rumor in Fellowship circles about GROSS is that they are all drunkards), they would know where the intruders were for at least an instant. Enough time to get the searchers right on the party's heels or put more guards ahead of them. Could he teleport blindly to somewhere deeper in the ship? No again. Plenty of bulkheads in the way and no way to get a fix on the target area.

During these brief few seconds of contemplation and confusion, the boss, the dread pirate Pontius, was updated on the situation. "What are you lazy loonies doing?!", he shouted at the security chief on duty. "Seal every door in that section of the ship right now! Senior command passcodes only. There are four ways out of there. I want teams around all four doors out."

"Uh, sir," the security chief interrupted, "there are five ways out. They can theoretically go back out the way they came in if they can elude the two teams already there and Gerakken."
Reply #19 Top
Now, the Altarian Awards may be controversial etc etc. But I want to get on a soapbox for a minute.

I would love everyone who reads this thread to maybe try their hand at creating a 'piece' that will be widely read and appreciated.

The writings in this thread are merely indicative of the talent out there, mixed with a dose of imagination. Most, or ALL, of the pieces here are humorous. However, there is a lot of writing such as the War of the Worlds and the fantasy tales, which are heroic or adventurous, and are equally stirring.

Personally, I have had the time of my life writing silly stories and reading other people's pieces. I defy anyone to say that that is not a worthwhile use of the internet and an added layer of enjoyment that Galciv has brought.

So don't look at this as a competition, or even examples of the best pieces/writings to date. Take inspiration from it and turn your hand at writing a piece too. Who knows, you may be the next J K Rowling (or not). But who cares, just give it a go.

And cheers to Ray for dreaming up this idea and giving people another chance to read a tale they may not have read! Who knows, maybe we can just have a roll of honour or something, and no 'winner'. :CONGRAT:
Reply #20 Top
Before the sensitive koala could get off the soapbox, a spitball lodged itself in Killa's left ear.

"Hey! Who did that?"

A voice cried out from the crowd, "that is not a worthwhile use of the internet and an added layer of enjoyment that GalCiv has brought!"

The little bear sprang off his box, arcing in the general direction of the offender. "You know what's coming, mister!"

"EVIL!!!" the voice shouted as it snaked its way through the crowd.
Reply #23 Top
This is my nomination.

Author: Mayito7777

Our scientists have discovered a serie of allien artifacts belonging to the ancient race called "The Creator". These artifacts are described as a group of orbs very similar to those found by the Bajorians around the wormhole.
These orbs are made of crystal and inside them many carvings have been found.
So far our specialists have been unable to crack the code to this ancient language, very similar to ancient hebrew. At the same time small fragments of scriptures have been uncovered, phrases as "seek and ye shall find" and "ask and ye shall receive" have been found in ancient scrolls inside one of the probes that were found around the asteroid belt in the center of the galaxy.
These discoveries have awaken a dormant religion practiced by few believers that call themselves Christians (Followers of the Son of The Creator and known by the name Jesus Christ). Our religious leader have called upon all the races of the galaxy to have an intergalactic meeting to discuss these finds. Some of my scientist are specullating that some of the artifacts found could be asambled to form what they say was called by the ancient ones "The tower of Babel". Many believe that this "tower" is just a stargate into a new dimension.
Our crews are scavanging the galaxy for the rest of the artifacts to build the "Tower". So far we are only been able to find few pieces, some say that the Arcenians have the rest of them stored in one of the most heavily fortified planet. Our spies are working in this issue as right now.

One of the most facinating object that have been uncovered is one called "The rod of Moses", our military believe that this strange rod made of wood and metal could be use as a weapon, according with the carvings found on the rod, this rod tells us the story about how was used by an ancient prophet called Moses to divide the Red Sea (an extinct body of water that used to exist in the now ice planet named Earth). Our military experts are working in this project codename "Wrath of God".
More to come after my next meeting with the Science Council.
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Reply #24 Top
i don't care if i get nominated.. I know for a fact that my stories envoke perticipation, fun, angsiety, strong emotions.. and thats more than enough for me :)

My speeling sucks big time, punctuation is incorrect... but ppl still read and react to my stories.. like em or hate em.. they do what i set out to do... involve as many ppl asa i can.

What would be bad for me is if ppl didn't think anything of them.. :)

good luck to those who've been nominated.. all of them deserve to win :)

BTW: I never said any of this... After all I have a reputation to live up to... LOL
Reply #25 Top
Ray,

Please REMOVE MM77's THE C FILES

I DO NOT WISH TO BE COMPARED with ANYONE!

IT'S PERSONAL.

Killa Koala,

I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER! or perhaps, LORD MM77 WILL!