I'm still alive, but don't feel like it

By on March 27, 2013 4:05:48 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

k10w3

Join Date 11/2007
+770

Hey my WinCustomize buddies -

I'm just letting you all know the reason I've been on hiatus.  It wasn't that I was only active here until I was made Master and then bolted. 

My husband, whom I had been supporting for 12 years, decided he would get hassled less about doing nothing with his life, if he left me and moved in with his cousin, so I've been nursing a broken heart and trying to get my finances together because when the jerk left, he took our only car with him.

I've got a couple of new skins started, but honestly, I'm not going to be able to crank them out as fast as I used to, because in order to keep my mind healthy, I need to work out every day, spend time in mindfulness meditation, and I've been getting out and about, since finally buying myself a used car a couple weeks ago, doing things with the few friends and acquaintances I've made here on my own in Tulsa.

I just wanted you to know, I still have skin ideas, I still plan on carrying through with them, but I'm a mess right now, and although it's been 3 months since he left, it's not getting any easier on me, and I feel like I'm just going through the motions of moving on with my life.  I found myself writing poetry a few nights ago, which I have never done before, so the creative flow is still within me; at some point, I'm hoping I'll be able to channel this pain into Photoshop and create some dark, gothy, industrial, hard skins.

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March 27, 2013 4:09:09 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

We're here for you if you need any moral support.  

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March 27, 2013 4:12:02 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Hey Karen, you have loads of friends here

Time heals as they say, but skinning cures all ills Seriously though, get active and pump your energy into lots of activities, you'll feel much better.

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March 27, 2013 4:29:58 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Perhaps there's just a possibility you may just get to see this as a good thing....

...eventually.

"when the jerk left..." indicates there's a chance...

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March 27, 2013 4:34:57 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

^ What he said. Always, Karen.  We're a motley crew at best, but we're your motley crew.

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March 27, 2013 4:39:37 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Thanks, Guys.  You're good people to know, and I appreciate your moral support.

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March 27, 2013 4:40:21 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Hope you feel better soon Karen.......

 

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March 27, 2013 4:50:44 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Am sorry for you Karen.  If ya need to chat just holler.

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March 27, 2013 5:04:24 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting DrJBHL,
we're your motley crew.

Yup! So have some dis... and some dis... . We're here for you love.

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March 27, 2013 5:06:17 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

I never have the right words for this kind of stuff . I'm kind of on the other side with disability looming and worrying about not pulling my weight at home like I was when i was a regional manager for the Southeast with a company car and expense account. I worry that my wife will look at me as a burden and not a help, which I have been for two years now.

I haven't given up. Hell, I'm insanely jealous that she gets to go to a job. I have been looking forever for something I can do from home but everything is scam. My own depression nd pain has held me back as well with my art. If it weren't for a few friends on here, I would not have made it through the holidays at all. in more ways than one.

I hope you find your muse, your joy, and your ability to see that we all love you here and are here for you, no matter what. You have brought so much joy and happiness to everyone here with your art, humor, caring, and your ability to reach out to anyone and everyone when they needed it.

No pressure, sweetie. Just heal. Know we are in your corner and sending good thoughts and lots of love. You can be here, part of your home away from home, if you will, in any capacity you feel good with and I speak for everyone, I believe, that we will  just be glad to be with you and rejoicing that you are hanging with us.

 

 

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March 27, 2013 5:30:45 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

 

live hard sister, and keep rocking cause me and andy luv you soooo effing much xxxxoxox

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March 27, 2013 5:46:46 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

You have my unwaivering support Karen. I can truelly understand what you are going through. My now, ex-wife, ran off with another man back in 1991. I went to Florida and moved in with my parents and started a new life for myself. It took me about 2 years to really feel normal again, but I did it and I know that you can too. It all makes you stronger. After 20+ plus years of being divorced, my eyes see clearly now and I can see that things worked out for the better, which I suspect that will happen with you as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I'm certain that God's blessings will show you the way.           -- Ace --

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March 27, 2013 6:10:17 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting PoSmedley,
You can be here, part of your home away from home, if you will, in any capacity you feel good with and I speak for everyone, I believe, that we will just be glad to be with you and rejoicing that you are hanging with us.
That sums it up for me as well.

We miss your art, imagination and humor.

Come home any time, we'll leave a light on for you and the key under the doormat.

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March 27, 2013 6:34:11 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Hey Karen, I know what it's like when a significant other leaves and everything is a mess.

When my 1st wife left and I had to kids two raise/support it was hard, but as time passed I found it easier and easier... so much so that when she came back a couple of years later wanting to rekindle the relationship I told her to piss off.  I didn't have anyone else at the time, but I figured no relationship was better than a bad one, and that's exactly what it would have been, given the benefit of hindsight.

I kicked my second wife out because she got stuck into my daughter to my 1st wife over a broken beer bottle... like she lashed her with a leather belt over it, and there's no way I could tolerate such violence toward a child, least of all toward one of my own.  Again I was alone and I wasn't enjoying it much, but I needed to keep my head on straight for my kids sakes, and that's what pulled me through... keeping busy and occupying myself with good, happy things.

Funnily enough, I turned to writing poetry when I was feeling blue, and some of it was pretty powerful stuff.  It was representative of how I was feeling hurt, angry and betrayed.  Would have made great lyrics for a blues song, but alas, I could not read or write music, and now I no longer have the poems to have a go at it anyway... somewhere along the way they became lost or stolen or something.

 

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March 27, 2013 7:08:11 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Take your time, go and do the things you need to do, be creative.

We will be waiting for you when you get over this hump in your journey ...

 


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March 27, 2013 7:16:51 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

It's easy for me to say, but in the end it will probably be a relief to you. I know that it's not like that now.

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March 27, 2013 7:32:49 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

So sorry to hear this Karen. 

Life always seems to provide us a bumpy road to travel down.  How we handle the bumps, potholes and detours will enable us to get to our next stop.

Damn, really didn't want to make that sound like the Twilight Zone.  

Don't be a stranger. 

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March 27, 2013 7:45:16 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Hang in there Karen, you are among friends here. It will take time to heal and move on, give your self that.

Take care    

 

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March 27, 2013 8:12:15 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Been where you're at myself for close to 5 years now Karen, and still on my own. It takes time, but things will get better. Sounds like you are on the right track with your life staying busy with things though, that is the right thing to do, and as others have said, you have many friends here.

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March 27, 2013 11:23:27 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting PoSmedley,
I'm kind of on the other side with disability looming and worrying about not pulling my weight at home like I was when i was a regional manager for the Southeast with a company car and expense account. I worry that my wife will look at me as a burden and not a help, which I have been for two years now.

Well, I bet you're not selling weed out of your living room for pocket change, like my husband was before he left, and I bet you didn't take your entire last check and spend it on a huge ghetto back tattoo that says "BEAST," either.

He was always pretty incompetent when it comes to getting and keeping a job, but I supported him and went into debt to the point of losing my house for him because he wanted to get his vocational degree that he never did anything with, because I loved him and made the promise to be with him through good times and bad.  Apparently witnessing his half-sister who lives off of welfare and his cousin who works part time and lives in a house his mother gave him and gets food stamps because he has a child, made him jealous that THEY get to sit around, get high and play video games without someone in the background watching hopefully that they will get a job or do something constructive, was just enough to make him think at 45 years of age, he didn't have to do anything more than they were.

I know in the end I'll be glad it happened; first, I deserve better, second I am no longer at risk of being arrested for the illegal activities he engages in.  It's just insulting and humiliating that after I gave him my all...to the point of losing my house, having to file for bankruptcy, and moving away from my son, abandoning me here where I don't have any relatives to help out or depend on, he ditched me to in favor of living in a cockroach infested dump with his alcoholic cousin, and sleep alone on a sofa rather than in my house with all his needs and most of his entertainment paid for.

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March 28, 2013 12:06:27 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

wow...       sounds like the old....girl meets boy.... girl marries boy..... girl gives up her career hopes and dreams to put boy through med school doing two jobs to support him for a better future life.... boy graduates... boy divorces girl....  girl is many years behind where she should have been..... what a scumbag....  you truly are better off....

he obviously was never going to kick any goals... pity you didn't kick him out first and keep your home... still... today is the first day of the rest of your life... an old corny saying... but very true...

you've had more than enough motivation for the both of you to keep things together up till now... just imagine how you'll fly without a 45 year old child to look after, when you get over the shock of it..  

Congratulations on getting rid of the millstone around your neck.... now... hurry up and divorce him before you win the lottery....  

 

 

and Po'...  your situation is worlds apart... you can't help all the health issues that have been thrown at you.... I'm sure your wife knows how lucky she is to have you... in sickness and in health...

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March 28, 2013 2:39:39 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting k10w3,
I know in the end I'll be glad it happened; first, I deserve better,

Got it in a nutshell, Karen, you deserve better.  When somebody drags you down and puts you at unnecessary risk while contributing little or nothing, you're certainly entitled to feel that way.  My first two wives were no good for me, either, and my kids deserved better... then Shaunna enters our lives. 

That was 16 years ago and we've never looked back.  Hopefully you can also meet someone and move on together.

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March 28, 2013 4:15:56 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Well Karen...I wish I could say I'm sorry to hear about what happened...but after reading how things were going and how and why they ended...I'd have to say it was the best thing that could have happened to you. Should you feel insulted...yes...I would as well...should you feel humiliated...hell no. You should never feel humiliated for being a good person...unfortunately people like you and me come across people that just take and never give...unless you consider "trouble" giving...I don't.

I was in the same place you are about 22 years ago...hurt like hell...but in the long run I was better off for it. I know it's hard to see the good points to a bad situation when you've just had your heart trampled...but they will become clearer as time passes and the wound heals. Just hang in there and it will get better. I've stayed single for the last 22 years since my ex pulled her little stunt...but it was her problem...not mine...well maybe a little bit my problem...because I obviously sucked at picking the right person so I just gave up on it. I figured if my "soul mate" was out there somewhere...let her find me...I'm tired of looking...lol In the meantime I'm pretty content being on my own...oh...and that thing 22 years ago...is all in the past. Yours will be too.

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March 28, 2013 7:03:58 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting WebGizmos,
You should never feel humiliated for being a good person...unfortunately people like you and me come across people that just take and never give...unless you consider "trouble" giving...I don't.

 

Exactly. There are givers and takers... Never feel badly about being a good person. Disappointment comes... better to have no expectations and to be yourself doing your best and what you think right with all your heart and never look back.

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March 28, 2013 7:46:05 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Karen,  Everyone has said it so well....but I really love the way syd put it...

 

Quoting sydneysiders,
you've had more than enough motivation for the both of you to keep things together up till now... just imagine how you'll fly without a 45 year old child to look after, when you get over the shock of it.. 

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March 28, 2013 7:52:56 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting teddybearcholla,
Karen,  Everyone has said it so well....but I really love the way syd put it...

 


Quoting sydneysiders,
reply 20
you've had more than enough motivation for the both of you to keep things together up till now... just imagine how you'll fly without a 45 year old child to look after, when you get over the shock of it.. 



For real, you dont have to wipe his ass anymore (figuratively) good riddance to toxic rubbish, a loser and a bum.

my stupid ex was the same, i spent 5 years with that pathetic alcoholic, all the time thinking he would change... and playing

nurse maid to his every whim, even buying him alcohol..... christ. what a fool i was.  i used to regret the time i wasted on him,

now i just chalk it up as experience i gained and havent looked back. x0x0

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