Okay guys this one is basically for you. This was forwarded to me by my wife. I have no idea where it originated!
Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower
and slipped over on the
bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards
or backwards, she slipped,
did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce"
she yelled. Bruce came
running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to
the floor" she said.
"Strenth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up.
"You're stuck fast girl. I'll
go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate).
They came back and they both tried to pull her up.
"No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"?
"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we
can break the tiles under
her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba
"Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll
stay here and fondle
"Fondle her boobs"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good
time for that mate?"
"Maybe not," Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can
get her wet enough, we
can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles
aren't so expensive