A woman informs her husband that she needs to go care for her mother for a couple of weeks while she recuperates from heart surgery and needs to rest. She tells him that she has pre-cooked him enough meals to last him while she is gone. However, the two weeks had passed and he was told she'd be away at least another week or so.
By then all the food was gone and he started scrounging around for something that was ready to eat cos he was not keen on cooking. There was nothing in the pantry that was ready to eat but in desperation he looked under the kitchen sing and found a dozen or so large cans of dog food. Orright, he thought, this 'll do and he tucked into the first can. This went on for a few days and he ran out of the dog food as well. Luckily, his wife arrived back home and she asked him if there was anything he wanted while she was at the supermarket and he said that he'd like more of the dog food he found under the sink.
It was a strange request but she did as she was asked. When paying for her purchases, the supermarket manager noticed the dog food and asked: "Why the dog food, have you got another since your last one died unexpectedly?"
"No," she replied: "It's for my husband, he seems to like it."
The supermarket manager says: "Don't give him that. That stuff 'll kill him."
Anyway, a week had gone past and she was back in the store dresses all in black and carrying a funeral urn with her husbands ashes. The Supermarket manager asks: "So what happened, I told you that stuff 'd kill him."
Oh, it wasn't the dog food that took him. He was in the middle of the road licking his dick and a bus ran over him."