AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
I.R. either went to Starfleet Academy or to The WebGizmos Institute of Higher Learning.
The above 1-7 and Thought For Today illustrate how the lack of common sense can be fixed, and lives simplified...to the point of ending (number 2).
I feel this is an absolutely brilliant post, especially number 3. Think of how much money could be saved, and terrible/dreadful drug side effects be averted!
Thank you for this wisdom, I.R.
Oh man, number 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you I.R. I needed that!!!!!
Fn maniac!
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REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
Two birds with one stone...
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE (PREFERABLE WITH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE) TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
(I just fell out of my chair..)
So......If I have high blood pressure I should cut my own vegetables?
Yes, but only with the use of a timer....otherwise you'll be as entertaining as a slinky....only messier....
Q) So what should a single vegan do?
A) Eat meat - it will solve the vegetable problem as well as clear up your complexion...
hmmm.....I think I'd being taking the mousetrap from on top of the alarm clock......and placing it on the sink...
then.....duct tape the loo....after giving the tool...a large dose of laxatives...and......an expectorant...
..wasn't No 1. the Lorena Bobbitt defence?.....I remember her mumbling something about carrots...
And Velcro, gotta have lots of Velcro. Industrial strength.
tut tut tut as a high blood pressure sufferer i am appalled at this (NOT) and i always let some man hold the veggies whilst i chop with a machete in one hand and a copy of OK magazine in other
mutha fuu....
cheeseberger,cheeseberger,cheesberger, no Coke, Pepsi,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
SNL
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