You really know how to put the X back into *X-Mas.
What? You didn't think that was deserving of a XXX??? I must be slipping. 
OMG... i don't know weather to laugh or hurl...
If you're gonna laugh, share it with us. If you're gonna hurl, save it in a bucket. I hear bankers are doing it tough this year (reduced bonuses and all), and donate it to the B.C.D.F. (Bankers Christmas Dinner Fund)
I DO NOT want to know where you hang your candy canes, what you stuff in your stockings nor what color your tinsel is.
TOO BAD!!! In the absence of Viagra, the candy cane is hung on the doorknob instead. Last year I got into trouble for trying to stuff a lap dancer into a pair of fishnets, so I might give that a miss this year. And the tinsel is ALL green! Dunno wot happened there, some of it WAS red, gold, silver, etc. Guess it might've been something in the air.
Decking the halls with bowels of holly should not be a spectator sport either without proper attire such as goggles, snorkels and rubber duckie fins.
I did that one Chrismas, but that's all I had on and the neighbourhood 'Mrs Kravitz' called the cops.
They didn't take me away, but I had one heck of a job explaining the second 'snorkel'
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Elfs just are not safe from a good blast of butt breeze, thus the sheer terror experienced by Santa's crew this time of year has GOT to be enormous. Why.. just the mention of the name Starkers in front of a Christmas elf can have devastaing consequences I suspect.
Funny you should mention that, I didn't get any Easter eggs this year, either. Guess my name (and reputation for odious butt belches) struck fear into his earthly being.
Has anyone seen my fishnet?
Yup, I washed 'em after wearing and they should be in your sock drawer. 
