While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon
another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing
this he inquired, 'Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?'
'I'm listening to the music of the tree,' the other man replied.
'You've gotta be kiddin' me.'
'No, would you like to give it a try?'
Understandably curious, the man says, 'Well, OK...' So he wrapped his arms
around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other
guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car
keys, then stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed
to the tree stark naked, and asked, 'What the heck happened to you?'
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in
sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and
said, 'This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake...'
When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why m en think with their head and women with their heart.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like i t,
I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pa ir of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was
almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with
excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like sh e was going to kill me, I added,
'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch
knows I'm smarter than her.