I don't mean to make light of all this. It's waht I do. I have so many health issues right now and I'm in pain all the time. All I know to do is laugh at it. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll just crumble away. I can't explain how hard it is for me. I come from a family of alcoholics and addicts. Some were abusive in ways.It's amazing I'm not hooked on booze or drugs. I don't even drink. (there goes my whole image) and I worry about what I might replace cigarettes with. The odds are against me with an addictive personality and I don't want to be in a position where I find some other addiction. As lame as it sounds, it's the truth.
Not a day or hour goes by that quitting isn't on my mind. I get so stressed if I think too much about it, I smoke more.
So the truth is out. I'm pathetic. I know I have probably reached a point where quitting would have minimal effects on me. A lot of the damage is done or in place. I stood by my mom's hopital bed the day she passed from emphasema (like my grandfather..and my other 3 grandparents who died from cancer and complications from emphasema) and had to step outside to have a smoke. Two years ago, my uncle who quit smoking 40 years before passed away from fibrosis (spelling?). It was diagnosed and over in a few months.
I look at my daughter.
I don't know how to stop. I really don't. I just don't seem to want to or have it in me. The thought of leaving my daughter and family alone...
I'm staring and wanting to delete all this. I am so pathetic. I'll let it stand. I got some of it off my chest. Sorry to be such a downer. Good luck to the rest of you. My thoughts are with you.
1. Using Vicodin or any other pain med at a fixed and dose and interval is not addiction. It is the EXACT reason the med was created.
2. If the pain control is inadequate, the med should be adjusted upwards in dosage/frequency, or another added...there are many ways to do this, Po.
3."I worry about what I might replace cigarettes with. The odds are against me with an addictive personality and I don't want to be in a position where I find some other addiction. As lame as it sounds, it's the truth."
You and only you are in control of that. You DON'T have to "replace" anything with anything else. Awareness is the biggest thing (besides your talent) you've got going for you.
4. "Not a day or hour goes by that quitting isn't on my mind. I get so stressed if I think too much about it, I smoke more."
If Anxiety and Depression are underlying, or have come about as a result of Chronic Pain, then they should be treated if only to reduce those problems which are increasing your perception of the pain. It's a vicious cycle, Po', and you really shoud call your MD or go to a pain specialist (a really good one) and ask him/her to set aside time to talk with you. The meds commonly used (and if possible Effexor because of it's mechanism of action) will really help.
"I'm staring and wanting to delete all this. I am so pathetic." Po', this sounds like Depression. Anxiety is a feature and at times the most prominent feature of it.
I'm really trying to be your friend, and I wish you'd accept my advice and act on it.
BTW, you spelled Fibrosis correctly, but Emphysema is spelled this way.