Impending Doom

as things are about to get worse... much, much worse.

By on February 24, 2014 11:05:44 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

starkers

Join Date 05/2004
+934

My niece brought home some toilet paper from her work today and I was flabbergasted... a pack of 16 rolls but fewer sheets than ever before.

The least sheets per roll I'd seen before was 160, but these.... these have only 150.  And they're not very big at that!

Talk about quality...pffftttt... there is none!  Like if yer don't fold it several layers thick... well ya know where yer finger's going, dontcha?  That's right, right fechin' through it.  Now that mightn't be so bad if you have plenty of soap and water on hand, but me, I just  feel so sorry for long fingernailed haemhorroid sufferers.  I mean, there's no warning on the pack, so it's a dangerous proposition for them, isn't it.... one wipe and suddenly yer need a transfusion.

For mine, it is a part of a greater conspiracy.  I mean, I haven't figured out the agenda as yet, or who's behind it exactly but I know it's a conspiracy.  It's not likely to affect the wealthy, not unless they're tight arses at the supermarket, cos they can afford that real expensive scented stuff that's permeated with Aloe Vera for that gentler, more soothing wipe. 

Nope, it's intended to be a pain in the arse [pun intended] to the working stiff and the poor.... though some may escape the dastardly plot because they have to reuse newspaper cut up into squares.  Now that takes me back!  When i was a kid it was my job to cut up Sunday's News of the World into toilet paper sized squares, which I didn't mind 'til it came to the page 3 girl with her chesty bits all exposed.  I thought they'd serve a much better purpose stuck up on the inside of my wardrobe door, but dad always insisted they went in the bog with the rest of Sunday's paper.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we need to be vigilant and keep our ears to the ground if we are to learn who the conspiracists are and what is their agenda, then take it to our elected officials to have something done about this frightening trend.

Oh, and another alarming thing I heard about was condom manufacturers using 30% less rubber per sheath.  I can not confirm this because I can't afford the Viagra to fill one, but a rise in the accidental sharing of bodily fluids could indicate it too needs to be looked at.

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February 24, 2014 11:25:45 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

The controversy that rages in my house is when you put the roll in do you have it so that when you grab the toilet paper does it come from the top or the bottom? I prefer the top but my wife prefers the bottom. I'll change it and then the next time I'm on "the throne" it's switched to the bottom. We don't talk about it. That's the way it is. 

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February 24, 2014 11:32:49 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

I suppose the other conflict that might occur is whether the roll should be on the left or the right side of the 'throne'.

In most loos it's on the right, but I'm sure there'd be people who'd prefer it on the left

Don't think that'd be as easy to change around as top to bottom and vice versa, tho.

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February 24, 2014 11:43:25 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting starkers,
In most loos it's on the right, but I'm sure there'd be people who'd prefer it on the left

I have one on the left and one on the right, as for top or bottom whatever the wife wants........

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February 24, 2014 12:06:52 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting ernie leo,
as for top or bottom whatever the wife wants

Yup, conform to that and everything is so much easier... fave meal more often... fave TV show allowed more often... being allowed on the 'other' side of the bed more often.... and the list goes on.

When you think of it, 'whatever the wife wants' makes life so much more pleasant and bearable, so it makes you wonder why some blokes still haven't learned and continue to please themselves/do it their own way.  Still, I'm sure there's a conspiracy in there somewhere.  Not too sure who's the ringleader, but the agenda is obvious... to keep we men in our places.  Or else!!!

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February 24, 2014 4:42:59 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Starkers it's so good to have you back, staying on top of these developments

A month or so ago I had a new roll of kitchen plastic wrap, a name brand.  From day one it was obviously thinner and more contrary than the previous roll.  Somehow while I was fighting with it I ended up with one end of it rolled up in one direction and the other end of it rolled up in the other direction.  Becoming a little red-faced, I could only wonder "How in the Heck could this possibly happen!!?!?"

Determined not to be outsmarted by a roll of wrap, I stood there for about 10 minutes, turning it this way and that way and flipping it and working it and nursing it and......

Finally I got it going again, heaved a sigh of relief, and thought to myself "Man, Starkers would love this one."

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February 24, 2014 4:54:32 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Wow! Another installment of the Forever Ending Story. Where's the popcorn?!?  

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February 24, 2014 5:04:19 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

I find duck tape to be quite annoying sometimes. Accidentally get it stuck on something unintentionally and you'll play heck trying to get it off. But stick on something purposefully to keep it in place , and without fail....it will fail......aaarrrrggghhhh  !!! 


-- Ace  --

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February 24, 2014 6:27:04 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

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February 24, 2014 6:52:16 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Still complaining about the number of sheets, are we? Not enough for you, Mark?

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February 24, 2014 8:28:28 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Since 9-11, I've replaced my dishwasher twice, my refrigerator twice, my coffee pot three times, my............well, you get the idea.  I've observed the decline in paper products, tuna, and other manufactured or processed goods and the amounts in the package.  Around here you can't get repairs done to your home without bending over and expecting a 1000 dollar enema.  Almost everyone has sold out and wants that mansion on the hill.  American style capitalism is mixed with materialistic christianity, at least, here in the USA.  The chosen prosper while the rest of us bend over and sigh.

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February 24, 2014 9:59:17 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

When i was a kid it was my job to cut up Sunday's News of the World into toilet paper sized squares

now if you'd grown up Aussie... would have been, collect the gum leaves... with eucalyptus scent... 

 

 

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February 24, 2014 10:00:53 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting AceMatrix,
I find duck tape to be quite annoying sometimes. Accidentally get it stuck on something unintentionally and you'll play heck trying to get it off.

people pay good money for that...  

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February 24, 2014 10:11:37 PM from Stardock Forums Stardock Forums

Quoting AceMatrix,
I find duck tape to be quite annoying sometimes. Accidentally get it stuck on something unintentionally and you'll play heck trying to get it off.

That's because it's made for taping ducks. It has to be extra sticky since everything runs off their backs.

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February 24, 2014 10:49:13 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting DaveRI,

Starkers it's so good to have you back, staying on top of these developments

A month or so ago I had a new roll of kitchen plastic wrap, a name brand.  From day one it was obviously thinner and more contrary than the previous roll.  Somehow while I was fighting with it I ended up with one end of it rolled up in one direction and the other end of it rolled up in the other direction.  Becoming a little red-faced, I could only wonder "How in the Heck could this possibly happen!!?!?"

Determined not to be outsmarted by a roll of wrap, I stood there for about 10 minutes, turning it this way and that way and flipping it and working it and nursing it and......

Finally I got it going again, heaved a sigh of relief, and thought to myself "Man, Starkers would love this one."

Plastic wrap, eh?  Yet another casualty of company cost cutting and delivering an inferior product to previous ones.  I feel your pain, Dave, I feel your pain.  Another thing that annoys me about modern plastic wrap... well the most modern of it, is when you want to reheat something in the microwave and you need just a couple of pin pricks to release the steam... and next thing you've got this split from one side of the plate/bowl to the other., thus requiring another sheet to cover the split.  Again you attempt to apply the pin pricks to release the steam, and again it splits from one side to the other, only across the other way this time, thus requiring yet another sheet over the top to repair it. 

This time you evaluate: "Is it worth getting a steam burn or do I try again for a couple of pricks?"  You put safety first and opt for the latter... ah yes, it worked this time, but alas, when you pull your reheated food from the microwave it's not even warm... why, cos there's too many layers of fechen plastic, grrrr!

I've actually resorted to using freezer bags for this purpose of late, but even then I'm suspicious of cost cutting methods... cos straight out of the packet they have familiar looking wrinkles.  I therefore have to wonder if there's hundred of company employees scouring landfill and refuse tips across the country to recycle those plastic bags supermarkets provide for your loose fruit and veg purchases... but that's another story... and don't even think of getting me started on the quality and quantity of kitchen paper towels.  Let's just say they do not make a good substitute for toilet paper.

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February 24, 2014 10:58:27 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting Uvah,

Wow! Another installment of the Forever Ending Story. Where's the popcorn?!?  

You can think of food at a time like this?  Just think of all those long-fingernailed haemhorroid sufferers having to visit the Red Cross Blood Bank to make regular withdrawals...'til some bright spark comes up with a home delivery service and charges an arm and a leg for the privilege. 

So no!  No popcorn until we get to the bottom of this, orright?

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February 24, 2014 11:07:47 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting AceMatrix,

I find duck tape to be quite annoying sometimes. Accidentally get it stuck on something unintentionally and you'll play heck trying to get it off. But stick on something purposefully to keep it in place , and without fail....it will fail......aaarrrrggghhhh  !!! 




-- Ace  --

Yes, I could see how getting it stuck on your scrotum while wiping would be annoying.... and painful, tho not so much in the getting it on there, more in the getting it off again.  Ouuuuch!

Oh, wait... you're not using it that way, are you?  Well why come into a toilet paper thread if you're not talking about wiping?  No wonder a person gets confuseded.  Go on, get outta here.

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February 24, 2014 11:19:50 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Hehe, reminds me of the time when some kind person left me just one sheet... and the next toilet was way, way too far away.

Not to be beaten... or outsmarted, I took that solitary sheet, folded it in half, and in half again.  Then I tore out a small triangle so I was left with a hole in the centre of the sheet, through which a digit is placed.  When done, that digit was wiped clean by drawing the TP upwards... and the little triangle is used to clean under the fingernail.

Hmmm, wonder if it works in real life like it does in the joke... okay, who's game to try?

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February 24, 2014 11:24:38 PM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Now c'mon Doc, you know the last time you sent me this brand, the supply dried up when I wanted... er, needed more.

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February 25, 2014 12:14:16 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting tanasii,

Since 9-11, I've replaced my dishwasher twice, my refrigerator twice, my coffee pot three times, my............well, you get the idea.  I've observed the decline in paper products, tuna, and other manufactured or processed goods and the amounts in the package.  Around here you can't get repairs done to your home without bending over and expecting a 1000 dollar enema.  Almost everyone has sold out and wants that mansion on the hill.  American style capitalism is mixed with materialistic christianity, at least, here in the USA.  The chosen prosper while the rest of us bend over and sigh.

Sadly, it is the reality we all must live with while capitalism marches on and company profit is the primary concern... heck, the only concern, and satisfied shareholders come 1st, 2nd and 3rd... last as well, to ensure nobody else gets anything in between.  While I may put a humourous tone to this and my previous TP thread, i am concerned about the rapid decline in quality of everyday items.  The quality of an 80" flat screen TV can be compromised, and while that is exceedingly annoying considering the huge price tag, it is not a must have item that we can't live without, whereas food and hygiene products are basic essentials.

However, it is not just the quality that's in steep decline here.  While companies are increasing prices they are also putting in less product per package, sometimes as much as 30% less for a bigger price. I can remember when all retail toilet rolls contained 220 - 240 sheets, sometimes 250 and even 500 for those double length rolls.  There aren't too many manufacturers including that many sheets anymore... many have cut down to 180 or less... 150 for crying out loud.  That's 90 -100 sheets less than it was just 5 years ago.  I mean, what's next... get the cardboard inner and run up a line of credit for your 120 sheets?

I dunno, maybe in these harder economic times, the triangle and hole in the sheet method could very well be the only affordable solution.

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February 25, 2014 3:44:58 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Or you can go with the three sea shells. For the guys out there...DON"T use the third sea shell. Its the on board tampax remover.

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February 25, 2014 7:57:44 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Had a long period when I couldn't get back into the thread after replying to tanasii... so I shall resume where I left off

Quoting sydneysiders,


When i was a kid it was my job to cut up Sunday's News of the World into toilet paper sized squares

now if you'd grown up Aussie... would have been, collect the gum leaves... with eucalyptus scent...  

I arrived when I was 16, but I knew all about gum leaves long before that.  We used to get Skippy on telly in the old Dart, hehe... and one of the 1st things I tried when we got here was Sonny's gum leaf whistle call to Skippy.  After a while of tweaking and fiddling with leaf sizes and positions, etc, I actually got some reasonable sounds, though not as good as those the on the show, which I believe were doctored by sound equipment to make 'em sound better, anyhow.

Quoting sydneysiders,


Quoting AceMatrix, reply 7I find duck tape to be quite annoying sometimes. Accidentally get it stuck on something unintentionally and you'll play heck trying to get it off.

people pay good money for that...  

Yeah, just not on the scrotum.

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February 25, 2014 8:05:37 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting kryo,


Quoting AceMatrix, reply 7I find duck tape to be quite annoying sometimes. Accidentally get it stuck on something unintentionally and you'll play heck trying to get it off.

That's because it's made for taping ducks. It has to be extra sticky since everything runs off their backs.

Not everything.... otherwise drakes wouldn't get any.

Oh and duct tape is no good for those lying, scheming, cheating politicians who get away with blue murder, either.... nothing sticks when it comes to those bastards

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February 25, 2014 8:06:00 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting starkers,
Yeah, just not on the scrotum.

like that?..   

 

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February 25, 2014 8:44:13 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

OUCH!!!

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February 25, 2014 10:39:31 AM from WinCustomize Forums WinCustomize Forums

Quoting sydneysiders,


Quoting starkers, reply 21Yeah, just not on the scrotum.

like that?..   

 

Hehe, trust a Brit to come up with something like that.  It reminds me of the postcards that were on sale in most resort towns during the holiday season.  I lived in one of those Devonshire seaside towns that did a roaring trade in comedic postcards, and as kids we used to collect and trade them much like comics or stamps.  Wonder if they still do them... given all the political correctness crap going on over there?  Haven't been back in donkeys years, but according to my mother since her recent return to Oz, I probably wouldn't want to, what with all the changes and restrictions in place there these days.

As kids my mates and our sisters would pick wild blackberries and wild flowers and take them home to our families.... can't do that anymore, it's illegal, big fines.  Same down at the beach... can't remove shells, seaweed, rock fish... anything... zilch.  We used to go to this pebble beach to swim, fish, skip pebbles across the water.  Can still swim... fish... up to a point... but NO skipping pebbles into the water... it's illegal... big fines.  Well fech me, I'd only want to go to relive some of my childhood, and if that's the way it is I'm not feching going... fechin' poms.

Oi, d'yer think they're behind the short sheeting conspiracy?   Wouldn't put it past 'em, eh?

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