Forum Home | Login

Fuzzy Logic

Join Date 05/2002

+497

'Could do better...'

Could do better - that's what it used to say on my exam results. But none of my exam answers were ever like these:-

"The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.

These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head"

Locked Post

Advanced Search

Watch this post

Do not email me updates for this post Email me updates for this post

Successfully updated karma reason!

teddybearcholla

Join Date 12/2002

+805

...and there went my coffee....again!!! Thank you Fuzzy!!!!

Successfully updated karma reason!

WebGizmos

Join Date 09/2003

+735

Some of those are real gems!

Successfully updated karma reason!

DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4281

You mean those weren't the right answers?

Successfully updated karma reason!

Sign Up or Login and this ad disappears!
There are many great features available to you once you register. Sign Up for a free account and browse the forums without ads.

starkers

Join Date 05/2004

+1153

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

That about summed it up! I also noticed about then I started getting public hairs.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

That explains why my application got knocked back

It also makes me wonder why a mate of mine ended up with two houses.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Shouldn't the answer be: "The woman squeezes two shillings between her knees" ???

Successfully updated karma reason!

Mirsguy

Join Date 11/2007

+432

not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

I don't know... some of those answers showed some ingenious sarcasm!

Successfully updated karma reason!

starkers

Join Date 05/2004

+1153

I don't know... some of those answers showed some ingenious sarcasm!

And some ingenious manipulation/engineering.

The kid(s) thought: "There's no work anyway, and with answers like this they'll hold me back a grade... or three, and I'll be able to stay on at school a few more years. Dad did say school years would be the best of my life, so why not make the most of it"

A teacher wrote on one of my report cards something to the effect of this: "Mark knows the answers and would excel of only he would apply himself. However, he persists to act the fool, if only to prove to his peers he is an under achiever. If he does not pull his finger out next year he will certainly leave school with a backside like leather, as the cane appears to be the only language he seems to understand of late."

He was right about one thing... I did leave school with a somewhat toughened rump, though my grades in subjects I liked were not too bad. I didn't get straight A's but I got 3 or 4, and quite a few B's... a distinct improvement on the F's and X's of previous years.

Successfully updated karma reason!

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.

There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting and posting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!

View all recent posts

Mark all posts as read Delete cookies created by the forum Return to Top

Stardock Forums v Server Load Time: Page Render Time: