2008 Phrases You Needed To Know

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.


* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.


* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.


* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.


* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.


* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.


* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.


* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.


* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)


* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".


* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.


* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.


* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.


* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" ? needless paperwork and processes.


* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies.


* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* AUSSIE KISS.
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.


* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just me a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').


* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.


* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.


* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.


* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".


* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.


* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10 Pinter in your bed instead.


* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3:00am.


* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.


* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.


* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.


* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

What musical chord do you hear when a huge rock falls down a mineshaft?

>

>

>

>

wait for it...

>

>

>

A flat miner

Here's a bit of fun for you Po: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf

*note to self...move Starkers further up the List

lmao

That's gonna be my new line. That was freakin funny!

Pat and Mick got jobs in a timber mill.   After 3 weeks there Pat cut his hand off,   Mick pick up the hand,  drops it into a plastic bag,   and takes it and Pat to the hospital,   The team in the operating theatre work 16 hours sewing Pat's hand back on.

three weeks later Pat is back playing cards.   Mick said to the surgeon,  "what a great job you did,  and he's back to normal so soon"   the surgeon said "Your friend has a remarkable recovery rate,  the fastest I have ever seen"

Two weeks later Pat cut of his foot,   Mick gets the foot and Pat and off to the hoispital again,  three weeks later Patrick is playng football,  Pat Mick and the Surgeon are interviewed on TV "  Yes,  the Theatre team and I worked hard on this patien't,  but the real accolade is his,   he has a remarkable recovery rate.

A month later Pat cuts off his head,   Same thing,  head in the plastic bag,  down to the hospital.  surgeon sets up the theatre and team.  Mick phones later  "Hello surgeon,  how is Pat"  "Sorry Mick,   Pat is dead"   "you said that because of his rapid recovery rate you could fix it"  "Yes,  but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and smothered him"

Sunburn Remedy 


A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. 

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. 

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra 
do for him, Doctor'? 

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs'

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was obviously delighted to be pressed tight against a gorgeous blonde. 
As the elevator stopped at the ground floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to grab!" 
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway through the lobby when he choked out, "I didn't touch that woman." 
"Of course you didn't," said Mrs. Wilson. "I did!"

FLIGHT CONVERSATION WITH A KID

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

Yeah, I do....I work for the Government. 

Hey, Ed...here ya go!

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'.. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt! '

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' h e said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'

She replied, 'It's not talcum powder; it's Miracle Grow'

Being a huge Elvis fan , a pretty, young woman strolled into a tattoo parlor and announced that she wanted a picture of Elvis tattooed on her thigh. The artist asked her to sit and proceeded to comply with the request.

Upon completion, she looked down at the new tattoo and exclaimed, ''That doesn't look a thing like Elvis!'' She then stormed out of the room.

Down the street, she spied another tattoo parlor and walked in with the same request, on her other thigh.
The artist there got the same response, ''that doesn't look a thing like Elvis either!'' ...and she strormed out of that parlor as well.

Lying along side the sidewalk was an old drunk still bleary-eyed from the night before's consumption. She walked over to him prodding him with her foot.
''Does this look a thing like Elvis to you?'' she demanded, hiking her skirt.
The old drunk stared a moment and said, ''Lady, I ain't gotta clue about the twins there, but the fellow in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson.''