If I had Salma Hayek, and her hubby had a feather up his a$$, we'd both be tickled!
If I had Dolly Parton and her hubby had a blanket over his face, we'd both be smothered.
If I had taken a drink of coffee when I read those two lines, I would be cleaning my montior with a rag!
If I had been there... I would have laughed so hard that you'd have had to clean it twice. 
If I didn't know better, I'd think that Starkers was involved in this. http://news.aol.com/article/somali-pirates-hijack-chemical-tanker/262226
If I didn't know better, I'd think you thought I was a pirate. 
If I could jump through my screen into this forum and partake in a group hug, I would
Hmmm! now would that be a clothed or a naked hug????
If I weren't inherrently a very naughty boy, I would not have asked that. 
