Internet Etiquette For Newbies (Ten Internet Commandments)

An short, sweet, long, rambling article on Internet Etiquette

By erathoniel Posted April 17, 2008 21:11:42

Welcome to my article about getting on the internet and not looking like a total ignorant biased jerk. I'm gonna make a list of no-no's.

No name calling. Not even if they deserve it.
If you do have to call someone something, use references to make sure it does not have any worse meanings than what you wish to imply.
Don't start flame wars, nor carry them on. You may mediate them, though. It's unlikely you'll get anywhere.
Most people, once anonymous, say whatever they think. Do not attack them solely for this.
Keep your language clean. It's a major problem, and makes you look like a barbarian. Seriously, you don't have to swear if you can think before you post.
Accept any criticism for face value. Do not retaliate.
Do not say anything to start a flame war. You will annoy somebody by directly attacking them.
If you keep your own site, remain impartial to your users.
The same runs true for blogs and forums. Be fair. Though odds are if you're new, you will have no problem here.
Take any advice, they're just trying to help you out.

So, what do you think?

0 Karma 62 Replies 7 Referrals

I don't recall Bush saying "Edumacation". Though one cannot be too sure.

It has more than two syllables, so no, he didn't say that

hey era, you forgot a big one.... DON'T USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT IS ANNOYING AND MOST PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO READ IT IF YOUR YELLING THE ENTIRE TIME!!!!

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I have one for you: Don't be a n00b and presume to tell regs how to conduct themselves.

Hm.

Seems no one has touched on the power of Google?

All hail the mighty Google.

When it doubt, Google it.

If still in doubt, try different search terms.

If still in doubt, ask Jafo.

If and when all else fails, ask me.

Simply follow the golden rule . Do unto other as you would have them do unto you. Follow that and all should be swimmingly. Tho the occasional glutton for punishment will arise to be dealt with..

I have one for you: Don't be a n00b and presume to tell regs how to conduct themselves.

Hahah.

Well, erathoniel, I've shattered every single one of your commandments and my only punishment has been the extreme popularity of my blog. I haven't been participating here much lately due to some other issues (mostly health related but also having to do with the types of people who are encouraged to blog here by various admins, like 'insightful' and unrepentant child abusers) but when I am posting regularly my blog resides in the top ten list almost continually and has for over four years now. The more I flame, the more I abuse people, the more traffic my threads get.

I know they run a 'tighter ship' on the WC side, but for those who write exclusively for JU (as I do) following your commandments guarantees a fast sink into blogging obscurity.

Heh, after I have some breakfast and my pain pills take effect, I may just have to parody this article with some commandments of my own...don't be mad, only a select few have been so honored.

I've shattered every single one of your commandments and my only punishment has been the extreme popularity of my blog.

I've broken them all consistently and what has it gotten me? Notoriety as a jerk.

And I'm cool with that.

I refuse to curtail my behavior just to make some other motherf*** feel better about himself. Straight up.

The true rules of success in blogging:

# No name calling. Not even if they deserve it.
Wrong. The proper response is always to call a name. Then get on with your rebuttal of their insipid stupidity. But you've got to get your point across to the idiots of the internet with some unfriendly language. It's the only way to do it with these tools.

# If you do have to call someone something, use references to make sure it does not have any worse meanings than what you wish to imply.
Also wrong. Make your name calling as acerbic, mean-spirited, and full of implied meanings to make them think it's the worst possible thing you could have called them. (That is, if they have the mental capacities to see that implication - usually they don't.)

# Don't start flame wars, nor carry them on. You may mediate them, though. It's unlikely you'll get anywhere.
You want to be a popular blogger? Flame like your name depends on it. Make sure you keep within the ToU (which are really quite loose on JU) and flame away. My highest-rated and most read articles are usually the flamers or ones where I'm pretending to flame someone.

# Most people, once anonymous, say whatever they think. Do not attack them solely for this.
Why not? Attack away - it makes life more fun.

# Keep your language clean. It's a major problem, and makes you look like a barbarian. Seriously, you don't have to swear if you can think before you post.
Some people deserve the decency of clean language. Most people don't. In fact, most of the cretins on this grand, wide internet won't understand you unless you throw at least a few 'damn's and 'hell's in there.

# Accept any criticism for face value. Do not retaliate.
Wrong. Criticism is a great reason to start a flame war. So start one. Proliferation is key.

# Do not say anything to start a flame war. You will annoy somebody by directly attacking them.
See the last one. Flame on, Johnny Storm. Flame the hells on.

# If you keep your own site, remain impartial to your users.
Nope. If all you're doing is sticking to your own site, rule that sucker like the freakin' thought police if you feel so inclined. Just don't be surprised when people do the same to you on their threads.

# The same runs true for blogs and forums. Be fair. Though odds are if you're new, you will have no problem here.
Fairness doesn't exist. 'Fair' is completely relative. What may seem fair to you seems awfully one-sided to me, and my version of fair you would see as twisted.

# Take any advice, they're just trying to help you out.
Take their advice and tell them to shove it up a certain orifice down south. (Unless you're Lucas, of course. You go ahead and listen to our advice, stupid.)

And that's how you really survive in the internet. Screw everyone and don't feel bad about it.

Of course...when a Blogger it's almost "no rules apply", otherwise as Lil' Whip says...you sink into obscurity.

Oh, Christ...the sky is falling! I agreed with Lil' Whip....

Apparently you can be a 'Jerk' just by looking after a website....and all sorts of groovier adjectives, too...

Which brings me to possibly the Number One Rule....

Have a thick skin.

If you haven't....skin someone else who has...and wear that instead...

It's internet etiquette, not blog etiquette.

gets in the way of enjoying the beer and/or the footy...

That's what I love about Oz. They got their priorities straight!

you forgot a big one.

SPEAK UP! I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

Oh, Christ...the sky is falling! I agreed with Lil' Whip....

Damn, that's twice now...

The end must truly be near. Bring out your dead!

"I agreed with Lil' Whip...."

Want a button for that?

He deserves a medal!

I'm relatively new, and though I try not to get on other bloggers' naughty lists, I have to agree with Whip and SanCho. I'm pretty easy going, but if you piss me off, flame on, baby. Flame. On.

Now and then someone pops into view suggesting some wonderous solution to a WB issue, say, but he's replying to a chap called 'Neil Banfield'. Now, if he had lurked just a wee bit he may have discovered it was probably worse than teaching his grandmother to suck eggs...

"I agreed with Lil' Whip...."Want a button for that?

I always agree with people who are right....

It goes without saying....

...so pretend I didn't say that...

Yeah, but Zoo was pretty hard to get an agreement with.

@Cedarbird: Don't worry, the only way to get bloggers (here read me, but I assume I'm pretty mainstream) is direct insulting with no background (and the insults have to be pretty hefty sometimes), and spamming. I hate spam.

So a guy walked in to this den of lions, see? And he said, "Now look you lions. Here's the way you should behave while in the den." And 10 seconds later one of the lions says "Burp."

The moral of the story is "burp"...oh excuse me.

Don't worry, the only way to get bloggers (here read me, but I assume I'm pretty mainstream) is direct insulting with no background (and the insults have to be pretty hefty sometimes), and spamming. I hate spam.

I do no spamming, and I have MORE than enough background on most of my targets to blister 'em precisely where it counts. In fact, I've done so here, in my first comment, but YOU don't know the background so it's probably left you scratching your head, going..."huh?"

I'll leave it at that, because the visual amuses me, but those who know, know. They got it, and so did the targets.

Yeah, but Zoo was pretty hard to get an agreement with.

Actually, I'm quite agreeable as long as you agree with what I'm saying and/or thinking.

~Zoo

The Nazi's were the first Neo-Darwinists.