I am the Lover's Lane Prowler of Borg... seems to me all those Borg and Borgettes have already 'plugged' in.   You should see it down here... cars bouncing around all over the place... without the need of that bouncy bounce suspension that was all the rave back in the 60's and 70's.

I am Sergeant of Police of Borg... I love to go up to Lovers Lane to catch those dirty perverted young schmucks up there assimilating to their hearts content in the act and then arrest them for public indecency.... trouble is, it's hard getting decent photographs for future reference with all the tinted windows around these days.

I am Special Agent Mulder of Borg... that's how Agent Scully and I conceived her baby. I mean, why do you think all FBI vehicles have tinted windows?

I am Secret Service Agent Peeper of Borg.... I discovered that's also the reason President Clinton had tinted windows in his presidential car... and also wanted them installed so no-one on the outside could see inside the Oval Office.

I am Ms Monica's Dry Cleaner of Borg.... and it wasn't just her dress we had to clean.  With it came a man's suit and underwear, some fancy napkins and a piece of oval carpet.

I am Ms Monica Lewinsky of Borg.... ya know, I'm still fighting with Bill about paying my doctors bills for the carpet burn to my knees.

I am Hilary Clinton of Borg... and you can keep on fighting you little gold digger, cos you're not getting a cent while I have Bill's cajones firmly in my grasp.

I am Federation President Rumpledforskyn of Borg... don't take it out on all our worthless selves, Mr Mxlplk of the 71st Dimension, that Clinton broad hasn't had a good rogering in eons, so I ask that you please come take her for a series of in-depth assimilations to adjust her mindset.

I am Bill Clinton, a former president of Borg... please do, please take her for a series of assimilations.  I'm not a jealous or a possessive man.

I am Mr Mxlplk of the 71st Dimension... throw in Dolly Parton and you got yourself a deal.  Oh, and I was joking about the pixie meat.  At best our ray guns can give you a really bad rash, or an exceedingly itchy rectum.

I am Lorena Bobbitt of Borg... come near me with that 9 foot implant, Mr Dimensioner, and I's gonna take muh razor to it, ya hear?

I am Unsuspecting Motorist of Borg.... this time I just hope that I'm not traveling behind when she decides to throw it out the car window.

I am Mr Mxlplx's Butler of Borg... please do, take that Dolly Parton Mannequin (muttering under my breath: ahem, mannequin does seem like an overly polite term given what he uses it for"), but I'd be careful how you pick it up if I were you, he does do some pretty disgusting things to it of a night-time (muttering under my breath again: I can hear the depravity in my quarters clear down in the basement).

I am Redneck of Borg, I want to assimilate my sister! 

I am County Sheriff of Borg... I'm going to have to arrest you, Redneck of Borg, if you assimilate your sister, but you have 171 cousins (some of 'em gals) that I'd have no objection whatsoever to.

I am Kissing Cousin of Borg...  you can assimilate with me, Redneck of Borg, but then we gotta change ends so's I get to have a turn as well.

I am Pa Redneck of Borg... now ya'll leave yer cousin ahlone on his birthday n' all, yah hear me boy... now go git him yer sister.

I am David Letterman of Borg... and I'm about as funny as an upchuck in a ski mask.

I am Conan O'Brien of Borg... Actually, I thought you were as funny as a wet fart in a wetsuit.

I am Ellen DeGeneres of Borg... and I'm funnier than a fart in church.

I am Tom Cruise of Borg... and I went funny in the head after Ron L Hubbard implanted me from the rear.

I am Nicole Kidman... which is why I left you, Tom, because I didn't want to go funny in the head as well.

I am Katie Holmes of Borg... really?  I didn't know anal assimilation could do that... I'm going to take an aspirin and lie down.

I am Oprah Winfrey of Borg... well that explains the crazy dancing on my couch, Tom, you were wearing a Ron L Hubbard butt plug that day.

I am John Travolta of Borg... hey Tom, you stole that Ron L Hubbard butt plug from the top of my bedroom dresser, didn't you?  I wondered where that had got to.  Oh and just a little news for you on that, Tom.  It hadn't been washed.

I am the Ghost of Ron L Hubbard of Borg.... hehe, I'll tell you all a little secret.  I never washed it... not ever!

I am James Packer of Borg.... EEWWWW, Tom, and you were going to loan that to me on my wedding night for a bit of extra oomph?

I am Steve Jobs of Borg... ya know, I'm so smug, people tell me to go assimilate myself.

I am Struggling Software Developer of Borg.... it surprises me you didn't sue them because you took out the patent on that.

I am Bill Gates of Borg.... yeah the smug little bastard puts an i in front of everything because he's gotten so used to saying, "I invented this and I invented that" and so on.

I am Carlos Slim, richest man in the world of Borg... one day I am going to buy Apple from right under Steve jobs' nose, so I can put a si in front of everything.

I am Chairman Choose of Borg... you know, it really offends me that people accuse me of nepotism, just because I installed all my family and friends in all the high positions in the company.